Mean Mrs. Mustard blows away with Relative Wind and Mac214

Lately, I’ve been reading stories that sort of step outside my comfort zone and Relative Wind by Mac214 was one of those stories. To summarize it quickly, 45 year old fuck hot Edward begins a relationship with 25 year old Bella, who also happens to be the roommate of his bat shit crazy daughter, Alice. Before you go hauling off and freaking out because of the twenty year age difference, because this was something that initially concerned me, let me tell you something… you don’t even notice it. Plus, it’s not gross or illegal at all… hell, Mac214 even says that on her profile.

Her Edward is the CFO for an airline, a widower and loves to skydive. He meets Bella one day as her tandem skydiving instructor and the sexual tension is so fucking strong between the two of them, by the time they hit the ground they are desperate to peel each other’s clothes off and the reader is just as desperate for it too. When Bella finds out shortly thereafter that Edward is the father to her new roommate, the aforementioned slagathor Alice, she tries her damnest to keep her distance. However, let’s be honest here ladies… could you keep your distance if you had a gorgeous and persistent Edward trying to romance you? Yeah, I didn’t think so.

The romance that blooms between Edward and Bella takes a lot of effort, because they both have fears. Bella is worried about his past and his family; whereas Edward is worried he’s too old for his much younger lover, yet the attraction and love between the two of them is palpable right from the get go. Of course, their main cause for concern is Alice, who is a bitch, let’s face it. She has unrealistic views on her father as well as the relationship her parents shared before her mother passed away. Alice is a schemer and is very non-canon in this story, so if you are looking for her to play Bella Barbie, this isn’t the story for that. Go read something T-rated.

Speaking of ratings… this story more than deserves its M-rating (NC-17 and XXX in certain spots) and the following is proof of all that.

His fingers were on me then, sliding into me roughly. "Baby, you feel so fucking good," he moaned, his lips and nose pressed against my cheek.

I grabbed the condom from him, which he clutched in the hand braced against the couch, and ripped it open, pushing him off of me just far enough to roll it over the steaming skin of his cock. Wet tendrils of hair stuck to my cheek, some of the ends snaking into my mouth and into my eyes. I pushed the sweat damp strands away from my face with my arm and pulled Edward back down on top of me, angling my face up to catch his bottom lip in my teeth.

A drop of sweat dripped off Edward's hair and rolled down the side of my face as he hitched my thigh up over his and pushed my other to the side, the anticipation nearly a third party in the room with us. He grasped the base of his dick and positioned himself before pushing into me while I arched into him. We both moaned then, mine soft and breathy, his almost sounding like a sob. He clenched his eyes shut tightly and buried his head in my neck as he thrust into me.

"Please," I gasped, the force of his body driving me harder into the couch, a loose spring digging into my back through the tweed.

Seriously… doesn’t that make you want to read it? Everyone I’ve rec’d it to have loved it! In fact, Mrs. Peacock literally squeals over updates and finds RW’s Edward to be one of the hottest characters out there. There are not many writers who can use ‘hooha’ in the middle of a lemon where I don’t break out laughing at the ridiculousness of it all, Mac214 is just that good.

So go on… read the interview and then head on over to the story. Don’t make me blackmail you into doing it. I’m not above doing certain illegal activities to get you reading this awesome story.


MMM: How did you get started with FF?

Mac214: I was let go from my job last year, and I'm not very good with too much free time... so I had just read the Twilight series and accidentally stumbled across Twilighted. I was only unemployed for a few weeks, but I spent every waking moment of that time reading fanfic... the first thing I started reading was Dirty Dancing With the Devil Herself by JayJayHale. Within a week or two, I had come up with an idea of my own and started writing. I like to think the Twifandom kept me sane during a hugely stressful time.

MMM: What inspired you to write ‘Relative Wind’?

Mac214: 22blue and I are writing this really angsty horror fic called Ultio. It's ridiculously fun to write but incredibly dark. Both of us needed a happier outlet to balance things out, and for me that ended up being Relative Wind. I'm a casual sky diver, and I'd had this idea sort of bouncing around in my head for a while to write a little something to play up the age difference existing between Bella and Edward in the series. I also wanted to write an Alice you could love to hate.

MMM: When you started writing fan fic, were you ever discouraged about it? Maybe worried that people wouldn't like your writing? If so, what did you think about it?

Mac214: I'm always shocked to get a positive response to my writing and ideas, so I'd say I've been more encouraged than discouraged. It's not like I never have discouraging moments - this fandom can be a cliquey place, but overall the people involved are fun and funny and sweet. I've made some amazing friends.

MMM: What are some things you tend to steer away from when writing a story?

Mac214: I have a huge, long list of fandom cliches I avoid like the plague - things like referring to Alice as a "pixie" and crap like that (not to mention lemon cliches - dripping juices, heated cores, etc). I can't see myself writing anything like incest or something like that. I try really hard to find ways to do things that are unique - so I tend not to put my characters in situations I've seen a million times if I can help it. I'm sure all writers try to be unique, but I actively work on trying to surprise folks.

MMM: In Relative Wind you write a rather sexy DILFward. Have you ever had any negative backlash because there is a twenty year age difference between Bella and Edward?

Mac214: Very few people have been genuinely disgusted with the age difference. A few have been sort of grossed out until they realize Brad Pitt is Edward's age... and who amongst us wouldn't throw down with Brad Pitt, right? Bella was initially going to be a bit younger, like undergrad aged... but 22blue convinced me to make her slightly older to make it less squicky. There's been more negativity about the political content of the fic - Bella is getting a Master's in Political Science, and she has a very polarized political view, as does Edward. Alice has the opposite political views. The vast majority of reviewers have taken it in the spirit in which I intended - which is to say that I use their views as a vehicle to spark arguments between characters and demonstrate family dynamics. One or two reviewers have flipped out, accusing me of trying to make a political statement. What I found most interesting about all of that is the few who complained were pissy about Bella's political viewpoints but not Alice's.

MMM: You write quiet a steamy lemon in RW, did you ever think to yourself… what the hell am I doing? A lot people think it’s difficult to write lemons… any advice?

Mac214: I really enjoy writing lemons, which is a surprise to me. Luckily, I've improved since my first one, which was this three chapter long monstrosity in Things That Go Bump in the Night. I was really thrilled to be nominated in Kassiah's Golden Lemon Awards for scenes in Seismic Hazards (Best Oral Sex) and Love Park (Best Group Sex), and the response to the lemons in Relative Wind has been really great. My advice on lemon-writing... avoid using flowery romance novel-esque euphemisms and try to make it realistic but emotional. Sex is more than just insert A into B. There's saliva and sweat and passion; I want to read about the feelings Edward has for Bella and Bella randomly wondering if she left the iron in the middle of things... because that's real. I don't want to read about Edward's "steel manhood" being inserted into Bella's "love canal." And for the love of grass and all that's green, if pussy juices are dripping down a leg or Edward can smell Bella's "arousal" from four feet away in a crowded room, get thee to a gynecologist... because that shit just ain't healthy.

I think a lot of writer's read other people's lemons and try emulate. Dare to be different. 22blue and I were just talking about this last night - there are a limited number of words you can use and a limited number of ways bodies can come together (no pun intended), but it's always possible to infuse sex with passion and joy and love and creativity. It doesn't have to be blow job, fingering and oral sex, actual sex, the end (in that order).

Lemons are a hot button issue with me - can you tell? ;-p I've been threatening to write a small-dicked Edward for quite some time now, just because it would be different from the norm.

MMM: As someone who collaborates with other authors in stories myself, I'm curious to get your take on it. Do you and 22blue have a process in place regarding how you write? If so, enlighten our readers.

Mac214: My collaboration with 22blue came as a pleasant surprise. I'm not always great at working with others, but she's really awesome. She came to me with the idea of doing a very sexually manipulative Darkward. Together we brainstormed about ideas for a plot... and Ultio just sort of developed magically. We outlined extensively before starting to write and then decided we'd each write alternating chapters. I wrote the prologue and chapter 1, so the way it has worked out is I write the odd numbered chapters and she writes the even numbered chapters.

We have a pretty good process. As an example, I'll write a chapter and send it to 22blue for review. She'll make notes and suggestions and send it back to me. I'll think about it and make adjustments and rewrites and send it back. We'll go back and forth until we're both happy. Sometimes one of us will get stuck, and the other ends up writing part of a chapter, etc. We've ended up rewriting things in response to pre-reader or beta feedback. It's very collaborative, and our writing styles are very similar so it works out great. One of the greatest compliments we've gotten is that no one can tell what she's written and what I've written.

One of the most fun things we did was get together on Google Docs one night at the same time and write a conversation between Edward and Jasper. I was Edward and she was Jasper. It was not only fun, but it produced a really tense scene that both of us really like. We work really well together, and it's given me confidence that I could possibly work collaboratively again in the future. I'm working on the outline of a fic now that's Emmett-centric and AU, vaguely crackfic-ish - 22blue and our friend Sue have been collaborating and brainstorming on the plot, although I'll do the writing. I'm hoping the idea isn't funnier than the actual story.

MMM: Is there something you don't feel comfortable reading or writing? Femslash? Slash? Anything involving Jessica Stanley? If so, why?

Mac214: I hate real person fic. Hate it. I've beta’d one or two chapters of RPF fics for Project Team Beta, and it just makes my skin crawl. I can't really explain why, other than to say it seems a bit too stalkery for my tastes. Anything else is fair game for me - as long as it's well-written, well-plotted, cleanly proofread, and unique, I'll give it a shot.

As for writing, I don't think I'd be comfortable writing in an experimental style. I'm too wed to normal grammar and punctuation to feel comfortable with that. Obviously I wouldn't be writing RPF, but all other genres are appealing to me if I have a good idea for a fic.

MMM: What are your top 5 favorite FF’s you’ve read?

Mac214: Poughkeepsie - Mrs. the King, Tropic of Virgo - In a Blue Bathrobe, Hydraulic Level Five – Gondolier, The Mirrors – adorablecullens, The Elite - Fate.of.Gabriel

MMM: What stories do you recommend for our readers?

Mac214: I Run to You – MidnightTrain, Eye Contact - Silver Sniper of Light, Becoming Bella Swan – BellaFlan, Empires of the Mind - Hibbleton78 and Dead Confederates - goldenmeadow

MMM: What do you HAVE to read the moment you see an update?

Mac214: I drop everything for Hydraulic Level 5. If I'm driving I will pull over to read it.

MMM: Have you ever had any surreal moments in fic? Times where you wondered what the hell you were doing, or shocked that something happened?

Mac214: I think it's kind of surreal to be interviewed. ;-p

MMM: If you had to mismatch the canon pairings who would you put with who and why?

Mac214: While I primarily write canon couples, I'm not afraid of mixing and matching. I've written Bella and Jasper, Emmett and Alice, Emmett x Edward x Bella, and in my Twilight 25 prompts, I wrote a little bit of everyone. I particularly like Emmett and Alice together, or Emmett and Edward. I just like Emmett, period. But with Alice, I like the juxtaposition of giant and tiny, and with Edward, I just think it's hot. I have a thing for Kellan Lutz.

MMM: And which pairings drive you crazy and why?

Mac214: I don't think I really have one. Any pairing can work if it's written correctly. I will say I don't understand the automatic Tanya hatred so many seem to have.

MMM: What is your craziest fan encounter or review?

Mac214: I got reamed a few times in reviews for ending Love Park the way I did. There was at least one death threat. That was kind of strange. And then there was the reviewer for Relative Wind who accused me of hating Baptists because Bella negatively references Westboro Baptist Church... I just felt sorry for the reviewer, because really, who likes Fred Phelps and active discrimination against gay folk?

The funniest is yet to come in terms of fandom moments - I've convinced 22blue and katinki to join me in a few months to go sky diving at my drop zone. There are a few others in the area that have expressed an interest in joining us, which will be a ton of fun if we can pull it off. I almost feel sorry for the drop zone - they won't know what hit them!

MMM: Did you ever have an OMG moment in FF? Like someone reviewed you or rec’d you and you literally squeed?

Mac214: Every review and rec I get makes me squee like a little girl. I will say I get unusually excited when I see people talking about Relative Wind or Ultio on Twitter. And I was really excited when Ninapolitan, a self-professed wussperv, gave Ultio a blue ribbon on Twilighted (she's our validation beta).

MMM: If you could beat the shit out of one Twilight character, from the book or movie, who would it be? How would you do it and why?

Mac214: Alice. She's the character most written as a total cliche - pixie-like, shopping-obsessed, eternally excited. And Bella - because she let Edward get away with waaaaaaaaaaaaay too much stupid macho crap, plus she named her half vampire demon spawn Renesmee.

MMM: What is your favorite curse word?

Mac214: Fuck or any variation thereof.

MMM: What is/was your favorite smutty story?

Mac214: There's some fairly hot sex in Master of the Universe and 22blue has a way with the lemons - Hints of Me is great!

MMM: If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?

Mac214: You've been a very good girl - Kellan is waiting for you, naked and ready with a plate of Eggs Benedict. Oh, and we've cloned him - he's twins. Welcome to eternity.

Mrs. White Gets some buzzing with BittenBee

You know what always makes me feel better when I’m down? Unresolved Sexual Tension, or UST as it’s more commonly known. Also Patron, chocolate, and new panties, but that’s another issue. I love to curl up with my laptop, lock the bedroom door, and lose myself in a world where two people fight each other off, denying their true feelings for one another chapter after glorious chapter. When an author writes it, and writes it well, UST is an incredible thing. Luckily I stumbled across an amazing example of it, and I didn’t even do it while totally liquored up! Shocking, I know.

I Hate You, Kiss Me by BittenBee is the story of Bella, a young lawyer working her way up in a firm that she loves. Everything about her job is great, except maybe her boss Rosalie, who happens to be the Queen Bee of the office with quite a chip on her shoulder. Bella is single and loving it, opting to spend most of her nights out with her player best friend, Emmett, helping him pick his flavor of the week. One night she’s caught off guard and ends up going home with the most beautiful man she’s ever laid eyes on. After the best night of her life, she sneaks home, dwelling on the sordid details for the rest of the weekend. Hmmm, I do love it when details get all sordid…

Come Monday morning, Bella is back at work, ready to welcome the new lawyer coming into the firm. She can barely believe it when she recognizes the bronze sex hair of the man who spent hours doing incredible things to her only a few nights before…Edward. He makes no secret of wanting her, but she fights him off, determined to make his life a living hell. Will she give in to him? Will she continue to torture him? Will she pick up with someone new? And seriously, what’s all this Duckie #6 talk?

IHY,KM is a beautifully written story about two people, so obviously in love, that seem to thrive off of the tension between them. BittenBee words things in such a way that her descriptions are breathtaking, her characters are believable, and her storyline is exciting. I’ve loved this story for months and months, finding myself lost in the plot twists and hidden clues for more hours than the people at children’s services should really know about. This tale is captivating and fun, sweet and furious, frightening and endearing. This is one story you will love getting lost in, and you won’t even need any booze to get you that way. Trust me, I know. Don’t wait, run to read this and find out all the fun you can have with a little yellow rubber duckie. They’re not just for baths anymore…

*****

"Before you start jumping to conclusions," he said heatedly, leaning down to speak in my ear as we walked. "I'm not saying you aren't date-able, I'm just surprised you would waste your time on someone who's not right for you."

I turned to face him, but ended up speaking to his shoulder. "You don't even know him," I argued indignantly.

Edward pushed the door open to the restaurant, allowing me less than a second to enter in front of him. We seated ourselves at a table as a waiter handed us menus and iced waters.

Edward perused the menu, keeping his face carefully expressionless, but his flexed jaw was inclined toward me so I knew he wasn't ignoring our conversation. I pretended to look through my own menu while casting glances his way. The waiter came back and we ordered before taking the menus from the table and leaving.

I laced my hands together on the table and looked at him expectantly. "How do you know he's not right for me?"

Edward took his time shrugging his coat off and folded it on the seat next to him. I had thrown mine in a crumpled pile beside me.

"None of them are good enough for you, Bella. I doubt he's different from the rest." He paused before adding, "He sent you flowers," and gave me an even look, daring me to argue. And of course, I did.

"Last I heard, a man gives flowers to a woman because he's showing interest in her and they make her happy. Just because you've got the disposition of a six year old—"

"Let me guess, this was your first date with him?" Edward interrupted, smirking at me.

My brow furrowed. "Well, yes..."

"That's what I thought," he said smugly over his glass of water and took a gratifying gulp.

"What is what that you thought?" I leaned forward across the table, exasperated.

"He's obviously not convinced that you had a good time and sent those flowers so you'll keep him on the brain until his next call. He's trying to rack up brownie points with you."

"Or maybe I'll be waiting for his next call because I like him, not because I've been tricked into it. I don't know where you get these ridiculous ideas from, but you've definitely made it clear what you think of my intellect."

"It's not your intellect that concerns me. You analyze almost everything, but somehow miss what's right in front of you."

Mrs.White – Hey Bee! Kids are watching that Avatar movie so for 3 hours you’re all mine.

BittenBee – Dandy!

MW – Why do I get the feeling you’re being sarcastic?

BB – I’m monotone.

MW – As long as you haven’t got mono… *hee-hee* So how did you get started in fan fic?

BB - I used to read fanfiction a long time ago when I was in high school (fics from other fandoms). I left the fanfiction world for many years until Twilight. The books left me somewhat unsatisfied and I had such a craving for more Bella and Edward. So, one year later, here I am!

MW – Ahhh yes, other fandoms. Hey, what day does your trash get picked up? Do you have like a trash chute or something?

BB - Wow...I have no idea. In my apartment building, it just gets picked up by the city. Like an anonymous gift.

MW – I like gifts. Especially jewelry. So, what’s the first story you read?

BB - I can’t remember exactly. I’ll go with Never Happen To Me by tk-square as a pear and Physical Encounter by wolfpgirl.

MW – Ohhh, wolfpgirl. I love her!

BB - She’s such a good writer.

MW – I know it.

BB – Hey, who owns the Rolls Royce down the street?

MW – Oh, that’s the new neighbor guy. I’ve taken to calling him Glasses Guy. Now, back to business. What are your favorite fan fic stories and why?

BB – Healing by freakyhazeleyes is probably my first love. You never forget your first love. Her characters really sang to me. Black and White by Vixen1836. The character of Edward was very strong. He was complicated, his reasoning and thought process was flawed and dark--which I liked. Deconstructing Dracula by Hmonster4. It was so different and very well-researched. The plot was down to earth, yet exciting. The characters were really appealing. Volition by RochelleAllison. Another well-researched story in terms of historical accuracy, Ro's dialogue and characterizations were nice, and the intimate scenes were so tasteful. DID by dollegirl I love too. Usually I’m drawn to serious stories, but DID is just really funny. I never feel awkward like I do when reading humor in other stories (ironic since her characters are awkward!). It’s a difficult genre to write, but she does humor like no one else. Currently, I’m absorbed with Dark Games & Twisted Minds by Katinki and Living Backwards by ciaobella27. The plots are exciting and their writing plays out like a movie in my head. But really, there are so many good stories to choose from. This question is so unfair!

MW – Those are good ones. Now, how many days a week do you get full on made up?

BB – Twice a week. That’s the perfect amount of “I don’t care” and “does my hair look okay from the back?”

MW – Hmmmm, I like it. How did you come up with the idea for you story?

BB – After months of lurking in the fandom and reading countless stories, I was inspired to try, but most importantly, I wanted to write the things that I couldn’t find in other stories.

As for I Hate You, Kiss Me, I wanted to put a spin on the common love/hate romantic comedy. There are a lot of qualities I like about that dynamic, but I used this story as an excuse to explore a relationship in greater detail. The gray area that gets glossed over so much in stories. So, I rolled my sleeves up and thought I’d give it a try.

MW – Speaking of gloss, you bring any lip gloss with you? I think I have an idea for this afternoon.

BB – Nope, none at all. I don’t wear lipstick.

MW – None at all?

BB – Lip balm on occasion.

MW – Well, you can borrow mine, it’s cherry red, you’ll love it. Um, who is your favorite character to write?

BB – Yikes, I’m not sure since I haven’t tried writing from every POV. I do enjoy Edward, for reasons stated concerning Temptations of the Unloved. I like complexity of a broody nature. Other characters that I’d really like to try in the future are Carlisle and Rosalie. The real spirit beneath the cliché personalities :)

MW – Fun. Hey, let’s make cookies for the new neighbor guy.

BB - I smell chocolate.

MW – Hmmm, I make awesome Minty Chocolate Cookies, I’ll bet Glasses Guy might like those.

BB – Minty Chocolate Cookies for Glasses Guy?? I cannot wait to taste that. Him. Those. HAHA. What were we talking about?

MW – Yeah, I know. How did you meet and get your beta?

BB – I actually didn’t have a beta for most of my writing until recently.

Dollegirl stumbled upon me a year ago and we’ve been best friends ever since. She pre-reads almost everything I write and we bounce around a lot of plots and scenes in chat. She just ‘gets me’.

Nicnicd is a friend who came on recently to beta the rest of I Hate You, Kiss Me and she also beta’d Temptations of the Unloved. We met through the Twilighted threads and she’s always been as sweet as pie mixed with some homegirl. She knows how to nudge me in all the right places of a chapter.

IrritableGrizzzly has beta’d a couple things for me. She’s an IHYKM reader and one day lectured me on a common grammatical error, LOL. She’s an editing machine and knows her grammar. She won’t even let me get away with using clichés, even if I really want them!

Other betas that graciously came to my rescue in the past are Kimpy0464, VivaViva, and Vixen1836. Hopefully I’m not forgetting anybody. I suppose it’s uncommon for an author to have had so many betas, ha! They each have their own style too.

MW – Oh hey, you got any sunglasses? We might need some.

BB – Yeah, five pairs. Sunglasses are hard to buy, I grab them if they're perfect.

MW – Nice thinking. You melting that chocolate over there with all your hotness?

BB – Oh snap! Aren’t these cookies done yet?

MW – I wish, these cookies take all day.

BB – But...but...! You lured me here with cakes and sweets...

MW – Yeah, well, I gave them to the kids. I had to bribe them with something to keep them out of here. So, how does it make you feel when people gush over you and your stories?

BB – Talk about awkward, I actually do the Bella-blush and am pretty stunned. After that wears off, I’m flattered and humbled. Then I’ll grin like an idiot. I really appreciate people who enjoy reading my rambles that morphed into a serious hobby. If they love the writing, I’m glad that I could have an affect on their life like that.

MW – Oh, that’s so cute…you blushing. I didn’t think that as possible, you turning all pink.

BB - I'm olive-skinned, but I can blush. It's impossible for me to turn orange, like the girls on Jersey Shore.

MW – What is with that show? Everyone watches it!

BB – Yeah, well Mythbusters is my favorite reality show. I want to see stuff blow up and try on Jamie Hyneman’s beret hat.

MW – Ohhh, I just wanna speak French, like Edward whispers to Bella in that story The Office.

BB – I liked everything that Edward did to Bella in The Office.

MW – Hmmm, yeah, me too. So which Twilight saga book is your favorite? And what’s your opinion on Breaking Dawn?

BB – The first book Twilight and Midnight Sun (even though it was unfinished). I can’t help it, I’m a sap for the original love story. I did also like Jasper in Eclipse. Ha, Breaking Dawn… I’m sure my opinions are the same as most people’s. It was satisfying and disappointing. Delete the pregnancy and have more vampire Bella. *shrugs*

MW – Oh yeah, more sparkling is always good.

BB – I shimmered up Mr. Bee with sparkle lotion. I was gonna put him in a patch of sunlight... Unfortunately I only got as far as his forearm before he caught on to my scheme. Mr. Bee is understanding of my vampire love.

MW – You’re so smart Bee… It’s kinda hot. Speaking of which, if you could get it on with any character from one of your stories, who would it be and why?

BB – Probably Edward in Conversations with a Stranger. I think a lot of my characters are intense in some way, but this Edward is more…mellow and agreeable. I think most would assume that I’d be head over heels for Lawward in IHYKM, but if I step out of a role-playing mindset, Edward in CwaS would suit the real me.

MW – Speaking of role playing, I think we should dress up for Glasses Guy, what do you think?

BB – I really like the sound of that.

MW – I’m thinking leopard print stretch pants, corsets, kitten heels, and frilly aprons. I usually favor corsets with clasps, those lace up ones take too long to get off.

BB – Unless you have a vampire that rips right through them. * shivers *

MW – Oh, that is a nice thought. If you could give one piece of advice to a new author, what would it be?

BB – Write what you know, but most importantly: write what you are. This means that you take aspects of your personal life and heart and manifest them into fiction. You can have a formulated plot and an outline, but the story won’t really be original unless you look inside yourself. It’s people that are original and make interesting characters. Explore characters by studying yourself and the reasoning behind everything. Cookie cutter plots are useful to work off of and learn from, but if the story doesn’t develop beyond that, you have little chance of affecting your readers. Fixing grammar can come later on.

MW – Good advice! Man, you really are smart. Oh, I forgot to ask you before, what is your favorite ALMOST curse word?

BB – Shut the front door!

MW – Okay, is it gonna get awkward if I tell you that I’m starting to develop a girl crush on you?

BB – I think Mr. Bee might have issues with that.

MW – Oh, true. Okay, I can wait. Until then, what is your favorite part about fan fic and the Twilight fandom?

BB – The fandom is exploding with creativity about the one subject that drew us all in. The Byronic hero and love conquers all. I love learning as much as I love the silliness. It doesn’t matter what mood I’m in, I can always be entertained by reading a story, Twitter and the threads, or my own writing. I’ve also met some amazing women through feedback and friendship. Some of them are irreplaceable to me.

MW – Byronic hero? Oh, you’re killing me. *shakes head* How many purses do you have?

BB – Four. A green one with skulls all over it for casual. My messenger bag for work. A violet suede one that’s fancy-casual. A black petite leather one that’s fancy. Don’t ask why I have them categorized. I’m a freak like that.

MW – Seriously? Now with the freak talk… Okay fine, do you have a celebrity crush?

BB – I don’t really have crushes on celebrities. I guess Henry Cavill. He’s pretty to look at.

MW – Hmmm, yes, he is nice to look at. Though I personally like Rob, as you can see by my extensive Robporn collection. *opens back closet door*

BB – AWESOME!!

MW – Yeah, well, you know. Let’s plate up some of these cookies and get ready to go meet Glasses Guy.

BB – Yowza. I'm on the edge of my seat here, next to the window.

MW – Oh, is he out there? Here, throw on this apron. I have matching ones, mine is Minnie Mouse and yours is Daisy Duck.

BB – Sounds good. We'll need a team name.

MW – Hey, put on this lipstick and we’ll work on that name thing later. Oh, one more thing before we go. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?

BB – Well this is random. “Can I interest you in a fairytale ending and an eternity of eating chocolate?”

MW – Ohhhh, an eternity of chocolate. That does sound good. The only thing better would be an eternity of Rob with chocolate. Or Rob covered in chocolate.

BB – Do you have anything with Bee stripes? Wings? I just want to show Glasses Guy the real me.

MW – Well, that could be arranged. You know, one of the rugrats has some wings left over from a Halloween costume. :D

BB – I can definitely squeeze into them. :) And those cookies look awesome.

MW – Come on Bee, let’s go see if Glasses Guy is as hot as your Lawward. I think I need another swig of that liquid courage you’ve been nursing all day.

BB - The trick is to pace yourself.

MW – True, you don't want to appear too drunk.

BB – Although I was already drunk before lunch. No big deal though.

MW – Yeah, cause you're usually drunk before lunch?

BB – Hey, it's 5 o'clock somewhere.

Professor Plum gets A Little Crazy with tby789 and LolaShoes

Okay, so pretty much everyone knows that neither tby789 nor LolaShoes actually need any of the pimpage that I am about to give them, but I can’t help myself. When I first picked up A Little Crazy, it had yet to be expanded or completed. Truth be told, I don’t even remember how I stumbled upon it, but I did, and I went wild about it. I even listened to the audio book, which can be found on either tby789’s or LolaShoes’ blog.

Professor Plum’s summary: Bella is a single woman living in the small town of Forks, where she has lived her entire life. She’s never left. Never traveled; she’s quite the homebody. Edward moves in across the street, where Bella has witness countless tenants drift through, never staying long enough for her to know any of them. She discovers that Edward is a doctor, but not just a regular old spends-thirty-hours-at-the-hospital doctor, but one that proudly works with Heath Relief International. And cue our favorite couple’s heartbreaking conflict.

FF Summary: Edward is the new, mysterious tenant across the street. Bella has spent her entire life here. Can he convince her that life isn't a place, but what you keep with you?

That summary can’t even begin to explain all of the wonderful things about this little, four chapter adventure, telling the tale of two people who fall in love quite accidentally. The summary can’t express the amazing talent that these two authors possess. Their descriptions of the smallest things are impossible to go unappreciated as you read through the story. Just the depiction of Bella and Edward’s first encounter is so intricate, intimate, and full of texture. You can literally feel that every word has a purpose as you read.

June 8th

His pie had crust latticed over apricots, blueberries, and scattered purple plums. Colorful and beautiful. I hoped he wouldn't notice, and I hoped he would.

I carried it over, hopping barefoot over the hot street, balancing the pie. I reached the door and knocked once on the familiar wood.

Footsteps slapped along the hardwood and his auburn hair appeared in the row of windows before his eyes peeked over and then disappeared.

Moments of silence passed and I feared he could hear my heart beating. I also feared he had walked away. The knob turned and he appeared in front of me. Clean but scruffy, beautiful but unfortunately clothed. His ears were stretched with small black bands, his eyebrow was decorated with a small ring, and he had a silver vertical labret in his lower lip.

"Hi," I smiled. "I brought you a pie."

His eyes broke from my gaze abruptly and looked down at my hands. "For me?" he asked, grinning.

I nodded, looking at the blue and red ink spanning his neck. "It's what I do whenever someone moves into this house."

His face registered this, and what looked like disappointment and excitement mixed over his features. His lips pressed together in recognition that other lips had tasted pies that I made just for them. His eyes shone when he guessed that I had only ever blended color like this for him.

"I went a little crazy with yours," I confirmed, nodding to the pie. I bounced on my toes on the hot porch.

He took the pie and lifted the corner of his lip as he smiled. "I like a little crazy."

I laughed and turned to leave, waving at him quickly. "Bye colorful neighbor guy."

"Bye a-little-crazy neighbor girl," he murmured.

I felt his gaze on me the entire way back across the street.

I know that, when I read this story, the authors captured me with the language, which is a rare find here in the word of fan fiction. The characters speak through their actions; they don’t just simply tell you how they are feeling. I love this aspect of tby789’s writing, which I remember from reading The Office. She lets you feel and experience what her characters are going through, and your heart flutters, breaks, and explodes right along with them.

Plus their Edward is swimming in tattoos.

Now go, read on tby789’s profile: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5343041/1/A_Little_Crazy

Or on Lola’s profile: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5343033/1/A_Little_Crazy

There is also an outtake that leaves you all warm and fuzzy ;)

You won’t be sorry!

Miss Scarlet does the math and gets Two Makes Three

Ciao il mio più piccoli.*yawns* I'm just back from one of my...excursions. *smirks* Anyway... on the flight home I started reading this fic that just captivated me. It has all my favorite aspects of fanfiction; fluff, smutt, sexual tension, humor, and cliffhangers.

Two Makes Three by xXTailoredDreamsXx

Summary: Bella is emotionally broken after her long term relationship with Jacob ends when he chooses his love for music over her. She never thinks she will feel anything again until she meets a beautiful stranger during her subway ride home one night after work.

Parere Miss Scarlet (Miss Scarlet's Opinion)

This is just the kind of love story you wish would happen. Girl loves boy. Boy leaves Girl. Girl gets all emo and goes home crying. New Boy sees Girl and talks to her. New Boy and Girl end up going to L.A together and fall in love. Normal, right? Well that's what this story really is. Bella meets Edward when she is all broken by Jacob who is away on tour with his band. They meet on the train and there is something there. Love at first sight.

When Alice takes Bella away to L.A. with her for the week Bella finds out that her subway admirer is also going to be there. So in turn they end up spending the week together and truly healing Bella's broken heart.

I am absolutely entranced by this story. Not only is Edward one piece of hot ass but he is also a daddy which gives him an endearing quality. He is also rough and tough when it comes to Jacob. But in all reality Jacob is a jerk and gets everything he deserves.

I wanted her so fucking bad. I couldn't take it anymore, even though my other head was telling me this was rushing things and definitely not a baby step, I ignored my responsible thinking and began running my hands up and down her sides, wanting to feel every part of her through that dress.

I paused for a moment to take a quick look at the lust in her eyes then feverishly brought her mouth to mine once again. The way she moved her mouth over mine was the most goddamn sensual thing I'd ever experienced. Almost as if she had a song playing in her head as she circled my tongue with her own. It was incredibly difficult to concentrate on breathing while she moaned on my lips but I managed and quickly flipped her over so that I could be the one on top this time, never once letting go of her mouth.

I found myself moaning now as I felt her legs slowly spread welcoming my aching cock as I rubbed into her from the inside of my pants. My goddess began whimpering in delight as she pushed her self up and down slowly against my hard on while my hands feverishly ran themselves up her dress, along the outside of her thighs against the fabric of her taunting lace panty hose. I decided it was time to taste her neck again, knowing it drove her wild. I bit gently and felt her body quiver beneath me as I told her I desperately needed to make her mine.

She dared me to do just that but I'd unfortunately already promised myself we wouldn't take that step tonight. I needed to know she was done with that dick before I'd let things get that far.

However, there was plan B, and I could, and would, make my goddess cum the old fashion way this evening. My mouth attacked hers and I fell deeper into her as she gasped into my hungry mouth.

My hands made their way up her legs and then under her dress allowing me to feel her perfect curves underneath me while I took her deeper into the kiss. Her breath hitched when my hand brushed the outside of her panties and I could already feel just how wet I had made her. She was soaked straight through and my cock was suddenly extremely pissed to be locked up inside my pants as my fingers slid the bottom of her panties aside so that I could feel her smooth lips against my wanting finger tips.

Christ! I knew I was in trouble, when I slowly began circling her pussy with my hand feeling her pulse on top of the tips of my now soaking wet fingers. I began kissing down her neck so that I could slowly start to make my way to the promise land, knowing exactly what I needed to do to really make my girl happy.

With the thought of tasting my goddess on my lips now in my head, I suddenly lost myself and impulsively tore her dress open, instantly hearing the buttons rip from the fabric but unapologetic for it after seeing what she was wearing for me.

"Holy shit baby", I mumbled taking her in with my eyes just as she muttered my own name for the first time tonight when my fingers began moving more rhythmically over her needing clit.

That one didn't count. Just a warm up.

I quickly released her breast from its lacy bra and took it into my hungry mouth just as I slid my first two fingers inside her warm wet body making her moan loudly as I circled her clit with my thumb then took her breast back into mouth letting my tongue trace back and forth slowly over her hard nipple.

She almost sounded close to climaxing, but that couldn't be possible, we'd only just begun and I had much bigger plans for her so I slowed down and sat up to look at her urgently while I growled that I needed to taste her.

I didn't wait for her response because I fucking knew she wanted it just as badly as I did and she eagerly closed her legs and lifted her perfect ass from the ground so that I could remove her panties after unfastening the garter clips.

I looked down at her beautifully shaved lips and let out a moan as I took her into my mouth with her legs now wrapped around my neck, my tongue running circles around her insides, wanting to touch and taste every part of her.

Fucking delicious… She continued to surprise me with how fucking perfect she was.

 

Now I did some digging and found some of these manipulations down for the story by Lolypop82. They are amazing and give the story the visuals that it needs to be the cute quirkiness it is. Here are some of them.

 

 

Ciao, Dolezze

Mr. Boody has an Ambiguous Destiny with Sparagus

This week I am very excited to bring you a recommendation of a new slash fic. As you know, I, Mister Body am a complete and utter slashh00r *smirks* – It is no secret. This fic however stands apart from the masses and deserves to be commended for it's originality and quality.

Ambiguous Destiny by Sparagus

Summary: Jasper, young and rising author, has his ideal world turned upside down by the brooding and antisocial Edward. Edward, a miserable artist, has a past of secrets and pain. Can Jasper break down his walls? Will he want to? Eventual J/E Slash. Rated M.

With a strong Bella/Jasper friendship and Bella/Emmett love interest, we already see a very original plot line and unique opening. I however, am completely enamored with Jasper (and his beautifully written point of view) and of course, the mysterious and somewhat socially retarded Edward – who drives me completely and utterly insane and yet, I beg for more!

This is going to be an interesting and stimulating ride, which I ask you to join me on. The chemistry between Edward and Jasper is alarming and also, that between Jasper and Bella – but not in the ways you think. Certainly a mystery and a treasure to be sure, this fic!

Without further ado, I present to you, Sparagus!


*Tippin' my hat*


Mr.Boody: How did you get started with FF?
 
Sparagus: I resisted the Twilight phenomenon for a long time. Finally one of my friends finally talked me into reading the books. And, like everyone else on FF, I went in search of more, more, more after I'd read the series through a few obsessive times.

Mr.Boody: What are your top 5 favorite FF’s you’ve read? And do you have any rec’s for our readers?

Sparagus: My ultimate, 'you-must-read' fic is The Lost Boys by hwhimsey. It is amazingly written and keeps you on edge throughout the entire fic. It's great. My second fav is Slow and Steady by LilyoftheValley77. Another amazing and well-written story. I also loved the Love/Fate/Hope trilogy by Cullen818. And my golden-oldie favorite: The Red Line by WinndSinger. I highly recommend all of them. For a WIP rec, I love I Wept Not by ArcadianMaggie. This author is incredible great at building character and plot, and wow. I'm so hooked. Read it!

Mr.Boody: If you had to mismatch the canon pairings who would you put with who?

Sparagus: Oh, I love experimenting with pairings, and I am so not stuck on one way of doing things. I can appreciate canon, but at the same time, I adore Jasper and Bella together (especially in vamp stories). Love Peter and Bella together, too, though there aren't many fics out there with that pairing. And I love reading slash. Jasper and Edward, Jasper and Peter, Jasper and Emmett...(seeing a theme? Haha).

Mr.Boody: And which pairings drive you crazy?

Sparagus: Hm. I try to keep an open mind when it comes to pairings. I'm not that fond of Jasper and Alice together. I also am not keen on Carlisle and Bella...just can't quite make myself enjoy them together.

Mr.Boody: What is your craziest fan encounter or review?

Sparagus: Um...I haven't exactly had a crazy fan encounter... I don't know if that's a good thing or not. :-)

Mr.Boody: What are some things you tend to steer away from when writing a story?

Sparagus: I try to stay away from cliches (which I sometimes fail at). Other than that, I'm not sure.

Mr.Boody: “If you could beat the shit out of one Twilight character, from the book or movie, who would it be? How would you do it and why?"

Sparagus: Can I start with SM? No, seriously...probably either Edward in New Moon, because, lets face it...he was an asshole, or Bella. I cannot stand canon Bella and her “I'm independent, but just kidding, I need you so much that I'll die if you leave”, whiny, pathetic, obsessive nature...*ahem* yeah. A baseball bat would work...

Mr.Boody: What is your favorite curse word?

Sparagus: Hm. In writing? I really like to use the occasional 'fuck'. It makes me feel naughty. LoL. In RL, I think “shit” is my most frequently used curse word.

Mr.Boody: If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?

Sparagus: *Smirk* Honest to God, I do not know.

Mr.Boody: Did you ever have an OMG moment in FF? Like someone reviewed you or rec’d you and you literally squeed?

Sparagus: Haha does this one count (I completely *heart* this blog)? Honestly, I experience that every time someone recs one of my fics...I also am always totally touched by the thoughtful reviews I receive. They make writing so rewarding.

Mr.Boody: What do you HAVE to read the moment you see an update?

Sparagus: I Wept Not by ArcadianMaggie (mentioned above). Edward Wallbanger by feathersmmmm, and I admit to having a crazy obsession with Daniel Gale: Cumming to America by DanielGaleh00rs.

Mr.Boody: What is/was your favorite smutty story?

Sparagus: Oh gosh. I don't know how to pick just one...I guess I'd have to say the best smut...The Dominant trilogy by tarasueme maybe? Or Midnight Desire by Twilightzoner. Both very good.


Thank you to Sparagus for joining us today, it was a pleasure.

Until next time, I bid you farewell.

Mean Mrs. Mustard marks the Exes and Ohs with Brain in the Gutter

Several months ago, a DILF contest was held in the fandom, and in reading the entries I stumbled across a little gem known as Milk & Cookies, by Brain in the Gutter. I was instantly intrigued by her DILFward and was more than a little happy when I discovered she was turning it into a short story, the recommended Exes and Ohs. Of course by happy, I mean I cracked just a slight smile that showed no teeth, because we all know Mean Mrs, Mustard doesn’t effing smile.

To give you a quick summary, Exes and Ohs is what happens when Children’s Aid Worker Bella falls for sexy single dad Doctor Edward. Of course, they meet under dire circumstances; she is investigating a situation with the foster child that her best friends Alice and Jasper are trying to adopt when she meets Edward, though she had seen him in the halls of the hospital on a rather frequent basis. When she is called to his house on a business call, she finds Edward and his little daughter Lizzie, making cookies.

The interactions between Bella, Edward and Lizzie are cute and realistic, as is the relationship that develops between our favorite twosome. I seriously cannot recommend this story enough, so how about you take a peek at some of the sweetness that is Exes and Ohs:

Bella had just put the pot pie into the oven, when Alice called saying they were on the way over. Bella handed me a bottle of wine and a wine key, asking if I would open it. "By the way, I need to know what you are okay with me sharing with Alice. She's going to ask what tonight was about at some point and I don't want to share with her something you aren't comfortable having me sharing with her. If you don't want me to tell her I won't."

"No, it's okay. You can tell her whatever you want. I'd rather there not be any secrets between friends, and I consider them friends."

"Is that what we are Edward? Friends?" she asked curiously. I felt my heart drop when I realized that's what she thought we were.

"I was hoping we were more than that, actually. But if you just want to be friends, I understand." I said a bit dejectedly. I looked down, trying to hide the hurt in my eyes.

"No, you silly man." she said as she grabbed my face, and brought it up to look into her eyes. She searched my eyes for a moment. "Edward, what do you want? Where do you see this going?"

"I want you to be my girlfriend. I want to be your friend, your lover, your confidante. I want you to be mine and for me to be yours. Forever if it's possible," I said with conviction. I was hoping she could see the earnestness in my face.

"I am yours. For as long as you'll have me," she pulled my lips down to meet hers, immediately opening her lips and snaking her tongue into my mouth to slide along with mine. I was momentarily stunned at her boldness, but instantly responded, pulling her tight to me, letting my hands wander down her back and towards her perfect ass.

See, there’s further proof that I am a heartless bitch. I left it off there. Now, don’t you want to know where Edward goes after her ass? Go read the interview with the lovely BitG and then go read the story. The epilogue was just posted on Wednesday night. Leave her a damn review too! This is one of those little stories everyone should be reading. Seriously… recommend it to your family and friends. Ok… that’s enough of me. I have people to laugh at and make fun of.

~*~

MMM: First things first… tell me about your penname. I find it very intriguing. Where did it come from?

BitG: The name comes from a cartoon I was drawing. I got bored at work while my computer was processing something, and started writing these weird things like, 'my brain has issues', 'my brain doesn't like your brain', 'my brain's bigger than your brain; yeah but mine's smarter', and 'my brain doesn't work without coffee', and started illustrating them. The first one was 'Why did you leave your brain in the gutter? Now it's broken and crying.' It just became this strange cartoon of brains on leashes as if they were people's pets instead of what we use to think. I named the cartoon Brain in the Gutter and the penname just kind of stuck.

MMM: How did you get started with FF?

BitG: My co-worker, (who is also my beta, Pire), introduced me to fanfiction. She and I were constantly sharing books back and forth, the twilight series being some of them, and she told me that if I really liked the books I should check out FF. I had written some other stories before that while in college which I had her read over at one point, and she said I should try writing fanfiction. So I did, and she edited them, and then I posted them.

MMM: What made you decide to write Milk & Cookies, the original DILFward contest one shot?

BitG: I was in the process of writing a longer story for FF (which I plan to return to once Exes and Ohs is finished), when my beta, Pire, suggested that I write a one shot for one of the contests to get more of an audience for my story. I wrote Milk and Cookies, put Playing with Fate on hold, and started writing an outline to make Milk and Cookies into a longer story. And that's how Exes and Ohs came into being.

MMM: Why did you decide to expand on it? I know that I for one, thought there was more story to be told, but I’m curious as to why you decided to make it a short story?

BitG: I think I always planned to expand on the story since I left it very open ended in the first place. I originally had them kiss at the end of Milk and Cookies, but my beta suggested that that might be moving a bit too quickly for the two of them, so I cut it out. I think at that point my brain was trying to come up with a way for them to kiss.

MMM: Your story has a lot to do with children and social services. Do you know a lot about this from your own experience?

BitG: Lizzie is based solely on my niece. Many of her mannerisms and the way she phrases things, specifically her saying 'my' instead of 'I'm', are from her. A couple of times I have called my sister up and asked her 'how would Ellie say this?' She laughs at me and thinks I'm nuts. I have no experience with social services, just an active imagination. Most of it is me asking what would be logical.

MMM: What are your top 5 favorite FF’s you’ve read? And do you have any rec’s for our readers?

BitG: When Darkness Turns to Light by Janna Banana. Dartmouth Diaries by Clurrabella. Colliding Meteors by IdreamofEddy. Tropic of Virgo by in.a.blue.bathrobe (also Delta of Mercury which made me cry like no other...) Bella Swan: Kidnapper by Kambria Rain. And a ton more... If you want more check out my favorite stories.

MMM: If you had to mismatch the canon pairings who would you put with who and why?

BitG: JASPER & BELLA. I'm actually okay with any pairing as long as it has Bella in it. K, scratch that, I can't do Bella & Carlisle, that just squicks me out...

MMM: And which pairings drive you crazy and why?

BitG: Bella & Carlisle, it's too much like father daughter for me. Blech...

MMM: Is there something you don't feel comfortable reading or writing? Femslash? Slash? Anything involving Jessica Stanley? If so, why?

BitG: I don't think there's anything that I'm not comfortable reading or writing. I did write a little bit of femslash when I wrote Favors, so it doesn't bother me much. Slash, I really like Show me a garden that's bursting into life by atypical-swan. I'll read slash or femslash if it's recommended to me, but I won't go looking for it. I really like Manage pairings, but there's very few out there. I don't read a lot of stories with Jessica Stanley in them since I don't read a lot of high school fanfic.

MMM: What is your craziest fan encounter or review?

BitG: So the worst sandwich in the world is a peanut butter, mayonaise and sweet pickle sandwich on rye bread. I wrote about it in Exes and Ohs, and lo and behold, someone else was forced to eat them as a child, too! I always wondered if we were related. Or maybe it was a midwest thing since that's where my family's from.

MMM: What are some things you tend to steer away from when writing a story?

BitG: I tend to steer away from EPOV. Not sure why, but I like to write in BPOV most of the time. Someone asked me to write more EPOV, and I tried, but it just didn't work into the story line of where I wanted it to go. I felt bad, but it didn't add anything to the story to add in an EPOV at that time. Other than that, I don't have any weird phobias about words like moist or panties... I like moist panties...

MMM: Did you ever have an OMG moment in FF? Like someone reviewed you or rec’d you and you literally squeed?

BitG: I have to say I have had three moments like that writing this story. First, when I first wrote Milk and Cookies, the amount of reviews I got from it blew me away. I had barely gotten ten reviews on Extra Credit, so to get sixty some reviews just amazed me. Second, was when Coldplaywhore said, and did, rec my story out in the next chapter that she posted. I got so many more reviews and more people following my story just from that little rec. It's one of the reasons why I try to rec as many stories that I like at the end of my chapters. My third squee moment was when I got asked to do an interview with you. Never thought that would happen in a million years.

MMM: If you could beat the shit out of one Twilight character, from the book or movie, who would it be? How would you do it and why?

BitG: Honestly? Edward. The whole leaving for Bella's sake in Eclipse just broke my heart, and when I think about it, it makes me mad. Leaving someone, even if it's better for them in the long run and lying about why you're doing it is never cool in my book. Hence the leaning towards Jasper Bella fanfics as of late. Emoward just kills me. I think I would have to have him accidentally fall into a wood chipper and his pieces scattered over the North Pole.

MMM: What is your favorite curse word?

BitG: For the moment, I think Fucktard is my favorite. I yell it at stupid drivers on the freeways all the time. Heard Fother Mucker recently and thought it was clever.

MMM: What do you HAVE to read the moment you see an update?

BitG: I try to read only completed fics, so there are only a few that I have had on story alert. One of them used to be Edward Wallbanger, but I forgot to read a couple of chapters and haven't caught up with it in a while. I got burnt out of Fanfic for a while, but I'm working my way slowly back into it. The Dartmouth Diaries by Clurrabella is one that I always read, no matter what, just because it was a really good one. I'm bummed that it's done; I want more of it. Any story by IdreamofEddy, Irenella Courmett, or Kimpy0464 are must reads for me.

MMM: What is/was your favorite smutty story?

BitG: Art Model by dollegirl, Cullen's Island by jandco, and anything by Kimpy0464.

MMM: Do you have any things you need to do when you write? Like make sure you have music playing, a fresh batch of cookies at your side? What puts you in the mood to write?

BitG: I have to have music playing when I write, generally a soundtrack of some sort. Lately it's been the Iron Man soundtrack. I like stuff without lyrics to distract me from the words that are in my head trying to make their way onto the screen. Sometimes I drink a glass of wine while I'm writing, but not always.

MMM: For new writers out there, what advice would you give them?

BitG: Best way to get known out there is to write a story for a one shot contest and then continue it on. Gives you a good fan base and gets some of the other authors out there a look at what you're writing. My best rec's have been from other authors. Another thing, don't let not knowing something keep you from writing about it. Research it, ask questions of someone who does know about it, and then write it.

MMM: If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?

BitG: I liked your stories.

Mrs Peacock finds out Almost Doesn't Count from Mrs.Robward

One Saturday not too long ago, I finally attacked my ‘to-read’ list and clicked on Almost Doesn’t Count by Mrs.Robward. How I managed to not know about this fic earlier, I’ll never understand, but if I had to pick two words to say about Almost Doesn’t Count they would be READ IT. Then I would cheat and add NOW, because it is that good. Fortunately, I have a bit more leeway with how much and what I can say, which is good because really, I can’t say enough about this fic.

Let’s start with the summary:

Bella is a family attorney & Edward seeks her help. Friendship abounds, maybe more?

Everything in the summary is accurate, yet it totally doesn’t do the story justice. There is so much depth, emotion, UST and good times **fans self** that… well you really need to READ IT. NOW.

Now I have a small confession to make, normally I don’t search out Daddyward fics. I know, I know, I can hear the gasps already, but I’ve been there, done that in real life and while I can appreciate the appeal, it is just not something that I’ve needed to read. I don’t avoid, I just don’t pursue. That being said, I am completely smitten with SingleDoctorDaddyward. I don’t want to give too much away, but Edward is family oriented, philanthropic and just an overall good guy that you find yourself pulling for from the first chapter. I really like it because he needs Bella to help him, unlike so many stories that have Edward as Bella’s saving grace.

Speaking of Bella, I like her. Which is really saying something because generally I’m not a Bella fan (I promise I’m not overly picky, I just know what I like). She’s smart and she’s the best at what she does. Sure, she has her internal issues and struggles, because she wouldn’t be Bella without them, but they’re realistic and understandable. Basically, she’s strong, but believable. And she doesn’t spend all her free time cooking for Charlie or doing his laundry. Yay!

Then there is Ethan, the cute little red headed boy that is the glue that holds everything together. He will get into your heart and set up camp.

I didn't let on, but at each visit I was super excited to see Ethan. I had only known him a week and he seemed to be growing right before my eyes. He always welcomed me with a 'La-la' squeal and a hug. If I didn't bend down quick enough, he would hug my knee caps before running back to his entertainment at the time of my interruption. Edward would always just stand back and watch the exchange between us with an admiring smile.

Who wouldn't be smitten by this little red haired cutie?

I stopped by on Thursday knowing that they would be returning to Forks again on Friday to tell Edward the good news before he left.

Ethan cheeped, "La-la, La-la," as he ran to me. I picked him up and tickled him as Edward plopped down on the couch after letting me in.

"Ethan, what did you do to your da...." I stopped when I realized that I didn't know what Ethan called Edward.

I set Ethan down and he ran off.

"He calls me Bub," Edward answered through closed eyes and his hand scratching over his face. I went and sat beside him on the couch.

"Bub. Why Bub?" I noticed he looked more tired than usual.

"Well, I had intended on my mother and father having custody of him, so he was going to more or less be my brother, so Bub seemed fitting. It's strange, I still don't feel like the name Daddy or whatever seems appropriate." He shook his head as he spoke and I had never really gave that position much thought.

"You seem more tired than usual, are you getting any sleep?"

Edward laughed, "Oh, I normally get enough sleep, but for the past two nights, not so much. Someone decided sleep was over rated." He nudged his head toward Ethan who was lost in his world of Batman action figures.

Without thinking I laid my hand on his knee as I spoke, "I have some good news that might make you feel better."

Edward leaned forward, "Really? What?"

"We have a court date for your temporary custody order. It's on the 15th."

Edward pumped his fist, "So that's what? A week and a half?"

"Yes, not this coming Tuesday, but the next. Do you think you could find someone to watch Ethan that day? I have no idea how long it will take in court. We have to plan on all day because it just depends where our case is in their log." I bit at my bottom lip before I let my smile mirror the one on Edward's face.

Things were falling into place, one piece at a time.

**Sigh**

Mrs.Robward does a fantastic job weaving her words to bring us the perfect combination of fluff, heartache and romance. While the legal storyline provides the foundation for Almost Doesn’t Count, there are other events that could easily stand on their own. Ethan makes me smile and laugh, while other parts made me cry. I don’t cry. It flows, it is a wonderful read and I’m embarrassed that it took me so long to read it. Only the epilogue is remaining, and a little birdie told me that it is on its way soon. So yeah, Almost Doesn’t Count…READ IT. NOW.

Mrs. Peacock: How did you get started with Fan Fiction?

Mrs.Robward: I read the Saga AFTER I bought the Twilight DVD. I was definitely left wanting...more? I was told about Midnight Sun and on Stephenie Meyer’s website there was a link to a Twilight Blog. Somehow, after me being click happy, some Blog mentioned fan fiction. I was clueless, but...Oh Mah Gawd. After I found it, I was more or less addicted.

Mrs. Peacock: That seems to be the trend...we read the books and want/need something else. Though I guess that stands to reason. If it were perfect, why look, right?

Mrs.Robward: Yes, I just wanted more, especially Edward's POV, I liked it best!

Mrs. Peacock: What are your top 5 favorite fan fiction stories you’ve read?

Mrs.Robward: Man. Do I have to answer, LOL?

Mrs. Peacock: How about five of your top faves...is that easier?

Mrs.Robward: Let me explain. I have weird tendencies when it comes to reading.
I rarely finish a fic and my taste changes a lot. I started reading total canon ONLY. Then I found WA & I only read AH and I used to only read high school fics. So top five, I could tell you a few that I liked, but my favorite? That would be hard b/c that changes constantly.

Mrs. Peacock: Do you have any recommendations for our readers?

Mrs.Robward: YES!

Mrs. Peacock: So you do believe there is a difference between favorites and recommendations, because I totally do. 
 
Mrs.Robward: Yes!
Summer of Salt
Smoking' In The Boys Room
The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows (It’s brand new!)

The Hood
Unraveled Knot (It’s complete!)

Now, five fics that if you were just starting out I would rec because you really should read them:
Facebook Friends
Carpe Noctem & Fiat Lux   (the best ending EVER!!)

Bare  (the most beautiful writing)

The List  Canon Vamps + Smut = FTW

Creature of Habit

I'll admit I love to hear what other people are reading and I will check them out, but I really enjoy rec-ing fics that are few in review count. Only because there was a time, when I had like 4 reviews and I wanted people to rec me. So I really enjoy finding a great fic and telling others to check it out! EVERYONE recs out the big dawgs, you can find the same story pimped over & over, so I like to shout out the lesser knowns that deserve it.

Mrs. Peacock: If you had to mismatch the canon pairings who would you put with whom?

Mrs.Robward: Eeeek, I am a canon hoor, but if I had to, I'd put Jacob with Bree. She'd be trying to suck his blood and he would be morphing all the time...ah, good times.

Mrs. Peacock: Bwahahaha! Awesome LOL

Mrs.Robward: Hehe

Mrs. Peacock: Are there any pairings drive you crazy?

Mrs.Robward: Well, because I am a canon monster, it gives me shivers to think of like Esme x Edward. Thank my lucky stars that it is not a popular pairing, but I still only read canon.

Mrs. Peacock: Ewww. Ewww ewww ewww

Mrs.Robward: Right? Ew.

Mrs. Peacock: What is your craziest fan encounter or review?

Mrs.Robward: Well because of the tone of Almost Doesn’t Count, most of my reviews are readers telling me that they cried. I did have someone tell me I used to many exclamation marks, which was really strange. And I don't think I have any fans? But I love, love, love reviews.

Mrs. Peacock: Do any of your real life friends know you write fanfiction? If yes, what is the typical reaction? If no, what do you think would happen if your two worlds collided?

Mrs.Robward: No! No one knows I write fan fiction. I have mentioned to my hubs & my son that I write, but they wouldn't know fan fiction if I stapled it to my forehead. I wish I had the courage to share my writing, sometimes I really want to. But the fear of being ridiculed is too great. Plus, hubs would probably lock me up if he knew I read/write smut.

Mrs. Peacock: What are some things you tend to steer away from when writing a story?

Mrs.Robward: Details. I'm not a fan of being wordy. I want to make the point and move on. I don’t want to get into their clothes, every decoration, what they are eating, etc., just for the information factor. I only write what I think you need to know, if it doesn't really affect the plot, I'm not going to dwell on it. I don’t want to give people a reason to skim. I AM A SKIMMER. I leave it up to your imagination.

Mrs. Peacock: If you could beat the shit out of one Twilight character, from the book or movie, which would it be? How would you do it and why?

Mrs.Robward: Ooooh, that's a toughie. I would have to say Jacob. He really irks me. After being shit on by Bella, he just...lingers and almost...begs (like a dog *snort*). No one deserves that. Get over it and find a deserving mate. How would I do it? Let's bathe him in Victoria's blood and let his band of pack mates eat him.

Mrs. Peacock: You are vicious.

Mrs.Robward: Yes. I love horror.

Mrs. Peacock: OMG not me. I can’t do it.

Mrs. Peacock: What is your favorite curse word?

Mrs.Robward: Okay, don’t laugh, but I don't curse in real life. Like, ever. I might say ass every now and then and even then my three kids look at me as though I am an alien. But in fic, I love to say FUCK! I feel naughty for saying that.

Mrs. Peacock: Believe it or not, you're not the only one I know who's like this. Ok...so you're one of two...and oddly enough I've met both of you through fics LOL

Mrs.Robward: We don’t even say shut-up or stupid here.

Mrs. Peacock: I’m impressed!

Mrs. Peacock: What was your inspiration for Almost Doesn’t Count?

Mrs.Robward: I read a few of the DILF entries, and my wheels began to spin. Sadly it was the day before the entries were due. A few days later I was loading music on my iPod from some old CD's. I had the Mark Willis country version of that song. Then I took a shower where all my ideas come to me, I got out and wrote the first two chapters and the outline.

Mrs. Peacock: Did you ever have an OMG moment in the fandom? Like someone reviewed you or recommended you and you literally squeed?

Mrs.Robward: I have them every day! I kid you not! I don't care what Blog or who reccs me out, I squee like a stuck pig. I (too often) Google Almost Doesn’t Count & see it pimped in places that I didn't even know about. Just recently Cottages at the Cove made it to the top 20 on the Black Balloon Angst Contest and that was as good as winning to me. I almost fainted!

Mrs. Peacock: What story do you HAVE to read the moment you see an update?

Mrs.Robward: The updates I have to read all depend on the last chapter. There isn't one story that as soon as the update comes, I drop everything for. But if I am left with a cliffy, I may bump that update to read sooner. I remember when I first started out reading fanfic, every Wednesday night I would sit with my Blackberry in hand waiting on Trust in Advertising to update on Twilighted. I just don't have that enthusiasm anymore. Especially since I have started writing

Mrs. Peacock: If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? 

Mrs.Robward: It’s funny that you ask that. See, my hubs is an ordained preacher & we are not extreme religious freaks, but we are Christians. The best thing God can say to you is "Well done my good & faithful servant." But I'm being realistic here. After he welcomes me home, I hope he says "Your sins are forgiven. Now sit tight & have a seat over there by Mr. Pattinson." **snort**