Mrs. White Looks for Cars with Artemis Leaena!

Another amazing story from the Twilight Erotica Challenge, winning the Judges' First Place award, as well as 2nd place in the Public Voting, was Honey, Where's Your Car? by Artemis Leaena. Get ready for some hot lovin' when you read this story. But before that, enjoy a little one on one time with the author. She's lots of fun...I promise.

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Mrs. White: Hey Artemis Leaena! I'm so glad to meet you! Thanks for coming car shopping with me today. I guess it's time I find something that will fit more than just two people in it. Darn kids...

Artemis Leaena: Thanks for inviting me, Mrs. White...can I call you M-dub? Cuz otherwise it's a mouthful, & if it's not of Edward...it's just not worth it!

MW: Oh honey, what I wouldn't give for a mouth full of Edward. Yum! Say, you seeing Breaking Dawn next month? I kinda can't wait...

AL: I AM...but sadly, not till the Wed after the release!! =( But I can't WAIT to see Edward break a few walls in the sex scene. **swoon**

MW: Hmmmmm, I know. That whole headboard rattling and destruction has me itching for more! So, how did you get started in fan fic?

AL: I don’t remember why I started reading fan fic, but it was about Sept of ’10 when I did so…and I was hooked! After a while, I got to thinking, “I can do this!” So, in May of this year, I sat down & started writing my first story.

MW: Very smart of you, I think the fandom is glad you did. Your stories are great! Hey, if you could be any other person in the world, who would you be and why?

AL: Someone with money. LOL Because I have none! =P LOL...Bella on her honeymoon! ;P

MW: Oh... **stares off into space** can you just imagine what that would be like? I mean, the movie scenes they've shown so far are just...ugh. Yes. Is hot out here? **fans herself**

AL: They have smaller cars inside...& I think that salesman looks like Edward!!!!! And ummm...yeah...LOL

MW: Oh nice! Let's go! So, what's the first story you read?

AL: “Wide Awake” by AngstGoddess003. I don't know what drew me to the story, but by chapter 2 I was hooked, & by chapter 6 I was resenting the real world for intruding! When I finished it 2 days later, I was ravenous for more!!

MW: Yeah, that was a good one. You know, I hung out with her one day. She taught me just exactly how much wood a woodchuck could chuck. It was very enlightening. Oh, and we spied on the hot guys that live across the street from me. Good times...

AL: LMBO...ok...now I'm jealous...& am going to go talk to the Edward-look-alike salesman WITHOUT you!

MW: Oh come now, don't be like that. Here, let me get you something to drink. I've been to this dealership before. Trust me, they know how to take care of a lady. What's your favorite thing to drink?

AL: White Russian & Vodka. Or a Mocha-Coconut Frappachino from Starbucks. Or maybe just Orange Juice.

MW: Well honey, you're in luck. I never leave the house without my trust flask full of liquor. And today we've got vodka. Yippee!! Oh! Relish tray! See what I mean? They take care of the ladies...

AL: Hmmmm...think the dealer would be willing to do body shots!?!?!? LOL ;P

MW: I do happen to know the answer to that question. Let's just say...he's a boob man. :) Grab some snacks, let's check out these cars.

AL: WOW…ummm…black olives, baby carrots, baby kosher dill pickles, bell peppers, celery, cucumbers, & cherry tomatoes LOL I’m a veggie kind of gal! =) & that salesman looks like he's got a cucumber I'd like to dip in my.....ummmm....so CARS huh?!?!?! LMBO

MW: Well, they are delicious. Can't blame you for wanting a bite of that guy... He's yummy! :D So, what's your favorite fan fic story and why?

AL: I don’t have one. Like my taste in music, my reading habits change with my mood. Sometimes I’m in need of humor and other times I crave drama. If it’s on my profile’s “faves” list, then it touched me. All I ask from a story is for Edward to always get Bella, & a few steamy lemons. Oh, & for the couples to be canon & all human…I don’t read Vamp fics.

MW: Ugh, a girl after my own heart. Yeah, vamp stuff? No thanks, I want my Edward human and flawed like no other. And for him to get his woman. **winks** So, speaking of Edward, if you could make smexy times with any character from one of your stories, who would it be and why?

AL: Edward from my Birthdays, Bars, & Bathrooms. He’s strong, confident, protective, possessive, caring, a little bad, a lot of good, & he’s a devoted dad. To me, there’s nothing sexier than a responsible man who does his duty, not because he has to but because he wants to, but knows how to get down-n-dirty! ;P Oh…& he’s well endowed! ROFLMBO I like ‘em big! **smirk**

MW: Is there any other kind of Edward? :D Hey, that car is red and kinda pretty. Plus it seats four. I could handle that.

AL: Than a sexy Edward?!?! Not in MY world!!! LOL Yes...but that one over there is cherry red, sporty, & a two seater....no middle console...good for leaning over & give Edward road....ummmm...so 4 seater, huh!?!?!? LOL I think the salesman is looking at my boobs! **winking at him**

MW: I like you... You think the same way I do. :) Oh yeah, he's totally looking at them, and why shouldn't he? With as many buttons as you have undone, your boobs look awesome! So, how did you come up with the idea for your story?

AL: In general, or just for this story? I AM having an awesome boob day...these babies need shown off!

MW: For this one. Focus, woman! And I've got an amazing corset at home that he would totally love. Just saying, you could borrow it, come back and take something for a test drive...

AL: Oh ummm...well...my mind pretty much lives in the gutter, so when y'all asked me to tell you what turns me on...this little ditty popped into my head!!! And I'll test drive him alright...LOL...I'll drive him til he can't drive anymore! =P I know how to handle a stick!!!! **smirk**

MW: I'm sure you do. You look like you could take him around the block a time or two... I'm sure he'd love it. **winks** Now, story. How did you come up with it? Why did you write for this contest?

AL: I can write a lemon, & smut, & pure sex...although I always have to leave it open-ended & with some sort of plot...but y'all's challenge of making it erotic but not smutty made me wonder if I could do that. So I entered as a way of challenging myself. I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to win...but my main goal was proving I could write an intimate scene that wasn't just word-porn. The idea for the story literally popped into my head as soon as I made the decision to enter. Like a little movie playing in my head, I saw it play out & sat down to write it for y'all! =) And around the block!? Hell...I'll take that man to the next COUNTY & back & make him forget his own name! **plumping up boobs in an obvious way**

MW: Oh you...I love how anxious you are. :D And he's a good one to take a ride with, if you know what I mean... Hey, what color are your bedroom walls? He's gonna want to know, so he can match his tie to them.

AL: White. Sadly, my apartment complex doesn’t allow us to paint. If I COULD though, they’d be a dark amethyst with gold borders.

MW: Hmmmmmm, pretty. :) Hey look! A green car, like Edward's eyes.

AL: He doesn't need to wear a tie....I've got some 'ties' already there for him!!! Hhhhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm... Is there a middle console!? I really like eating cucumber while driving down the road!!!! LMBO

MW: Dang am I glad we're hanging out today! I'm guessing you could give me some pointers, teach me some new tricks for my Neighbor Guy. He'll love it. So, who is your favorite character to write?

AL: Edward & Bella, obviously! LOL But I also love writing Alice…though she’ll never star in any of my stories. I’m a very hyper person, & an ex cheerleader, and Alice allows me to channel all my girly-girl, shop-a-holic, hyperness into someone who can carry it. I don’t care if she becomes clichéd, that’s how I love my Alice so that’s how I’ll always write her. =) Honey...I could write a BOOK of tricks...& treats for that matter...for you & your little neighbor-man!!! hehehehe

MW: Nice, I can see you as an Alice, and with your little Tricks and Treats book. And just in time for Halloween, too! Nice! Hey, if you were in a beauty pageant, what would your talent be?

AL: You mean BESIDES eating Edward's cucumber!? LOL Singing. I sang First Soprano all through high school, & auditioned into a Madrigal troupe in college in that range.

MW: Eating and singing...I love it. :D Hey this car has airbags. That's what Neighbor Guy sometimes calls my boobs, his big fluffy airbags. :D **hee-hee**

AL: LMBO...well...since you've got neighbor guy...you might want to un-deploy your airbags as I'm trying to use MY considerable airbags to snag sales-boy over there...who just checked out my ass!!!

MW: Nice!! I saw him wandering around behind us. I thought he might be doing a little "shopping" of his own. :) And honey, these "airbags" are always fully loaded. You just never know when you might cross paths with RPattz. Hey, do you have a celebrity crush?

AL: I don’t really have one. I’ve never understood the whole hero/celebrity worship phenomena. Yes, they’re incredibly good looking, & SOME are actually talented too…but they’re still just people. Besides, I’ve only ever crushed on two people in real life, & neither had anything to do with their looks…I’m drawn to someone’s personality more than anything. With celebrities, you never know anything beyond what they want you to know, so you can’t get a good ‘read’ on them. But I'd like to CRUSH on sales-boy, who is DEFINITELY 'shopping' for a 'ride' today! LOL

MW: Oh yeah, I think he's warmed up and ready to take a spin... :) So, how did you meet and get your beta?

AL: The wonderful Ninmesarra was a gift from the Beta Gods over at Sparkly Red Pen! =) I was ‘late to the game’ as it were in deciding to definitely enter this contest but SRP got me hooked up with Nin, & within 1 day she had me sorted out.

MW: Nice! Beta's are kinda awesome. I know I love mine. :) Almost as much as I'm loving that blue sports car over there. Wow...

AL: Oooohhhh...it IS shiny!!! =) Maybe if I undo another button, & hike my skirt up a little, the nice salesman will let me sit on him....in IT...I meant IN the car!!! =P

MW: Oh yeah!!! Hike that skirt up, let's see what kind of deals that'll get us!

AL: I think it'll take more than my satin-n-lace knickers to get us a good deal.....but perhaps if I let him tie me up them...LOL

MW: Oh honey, if you let him tie you up, I think we could get a car at wholesale! Oh, I wanted to ask you, which Disney Princess most closely resembles you and why?

AL: Hhmmm…wow…never thought of this one before. I’d have to say Belle. She knew she wanted more from life and, even though she didn’t know how to go about getting it, she wasn’t afraid to try. She also stood by her principles & never let anyone tell her that what she was thinking or feeling was wrong. She didn’t give in.

MW: Yeah, Belle was awesome like that. Plus all those books... :D Kinda like fanfic, always something to read. :D

AL: Plus she's French....I speak french! "Oh Monsier! Voulez vous coucher avec moi c'est soir?" ou puis-je vous donner une fellation???

MW: **swoons** I love French...French speaking, French Kissing, French Toast, French Fries... I love it all. Oh! And Michael Vartan is French. YUM! So, how does it make you feel when people gush over you and your stories?

AL: Validated! =) I’ve wanted to be a writer since I was 11, and several months ago made the decision to quit Accounting school to pursue that full-time. I don’t consider this to be ‘just fan fic,’ it’s more of a ‘proving ground’ for me. At least one great author—that I know of—got her start doing just this. So when people ‘gush’ over my writing &/or my stories, it makes me feel like I made the right life decision. Now, more than ever, I believe my Twitter byline, “Today, I write Twilight fanfiction. Tomorrow, someone will write fanfiction based on MY books!” Hmmmmm...Michael Vartan IS yummy!!!! Et, il est francais!!! J'adore tous le francais!!! =)

MW: Ohhhhhh, I love that. :) **sniffle** You're so determined, that's nice. I hope you're just as determined to land salesboy over there. I think he's getting a little hot under the collar, with your strutting around and all.

AL: Yeah...I thought he was was gonna bust his zipper when I 'oops' dropped my purse...hehehehehehe

MW: It's just a good thing you have that thong on, otherwise I think angry old receptionist lady would be calling the cops on us, crying indecent exposure! Ugh, it must suck to be that old. So hey, which Twilight saga book is your favorite? And what’s your opinion on Breaking Dawn?

AL: Or to be that old you can't suck anymore! **evil smirk** Eclipse is my fave book because Bella FINALLY put us out of our misery by declaring Edward was who/what she wanted…& she stood by it! Also, two words: “hip hitch.” LMBO Breaking Dawn gets a bad rap from the fans I think. I liked it a lot. However, I feel/felt that it could’ve been longer or a fifth book. To me, it felt a little rushed after Reneesme’s birth & Bella’s change. There could have been more development. Also, I’m a ‘closure’ kinda gal. LOL So I would’ve liked to’ve seen a bit more at the end from Bella & Edward.

MW: I liked Eclipse the best too. Mostly 'cause it has Angry Edward, and I love him... **smirks at the thought of her very own Angry Edward**

AL: Hmmm...I'll bet I could make salesboy 'angry.' LOL Maybe enough that he'll have to spank me?!?!?!

MW: I think it'd be fun to try... :D And who doesn't love a good spanking? Rawr. So, do you listen to music while you write? Does music inspire your stories in any way?

AL: Yes…I write best when there is music playing. I don’t think I’ve ever heard a song & thought, “That would make a great story!” But I have heard song & thought, “That would be perfect for a certain scene in one of my stories.” I keep a list attached to each story of what song & what I felt when I heard it or why I think it would work in that scene. I'm a touch OCD that way! =)

MW: I like that, music is a good thing. Oh hey, I brought this little cd with me, let's pop it into the cd player on one of these cars and see what happens... It's a little seductive, I hope you don't mind.

AL: As long as it has P!nk ft. Peaches' "Oh My God!" I'm good! LOL Although...I'd also like to show salesboy how I use my nine inch nails to get closer to him.....hmmmmmm I'm sorry...were you talking!? LOL

MW: :D Let me see...I think it's my stripper mix, so there's lots of Nickleback on here. How about a little "Something In Your Mouth" to start off with... We can finish up with some "Closer." That's always an awesome song to end the show with.

AL: Oooooo...I'd love to show Chad Kroeger how we can act like Animals....LOL....I wonder if salesboy can sing...aw hell...he can growl in my ear for all I care! LMBO

MW: Yee haw... :D So, if you could give one piece of advice to a new author, what would it be?

AL: Some people are going to love your work, others are going to hate it, and sometimes they’re going to be the same person. Take the criticism & use it to learn. Take the compliments & use them to fuel you during dark times. Never think so much of yourself that you are above asking for help…or accepting it when freely offered. Mostly though: until they make it personal, don’t take it personal. If you can’t do that, then stop writing, because if you’re going to break every time the wind blows wrong, then you’re never going to be strong enough to withstand the flood when success is achieved. I guess that's more than one piece...but it's all part-n-parcel! =)

MW: Ahhhhh, and it's so true, too. I mean, if I'd stopped collecting RobPorn when my children started laughing at me, I wouldn't have one of the biggest collections in the Southwest now. I mean, I had to move a couple of kids out of a bedroom so it could take over, but you know...they're happy in the garage. Whatever.

AL: As long as there's heat, it's not child abuse!!! LOL

MW: That's right! And they even have A/C for those summer months when it's 115. There's really nothing to complain about. Oh, you ever played football?

AL: ROFLMBO…ummm…no I’m a prissy girly-girl who doesn’t like to get dirty. And I suffer from Bella-itis & tend to trip over nothing, so it's really not safe for me to play sports! LOL

MW: :D It's probably better that you just watch, then. I know that's what I prefer to do...watch those men run around the field in tight little pants...tackling one another... **sighs** So, what is your favorite part about fan fic and the Twilight fandom?

AL: The variety! It’s interesting to see the many incarnations of the same characters. I’m sure it will happen eventually, but I’ve yet to read a fic & have the thought, “Oh, I’ve read this character or set of characters before.” As for the Fandom? The people! There are some truly awesome readers & writers out there, and I’ve been fortunate enough to get to interact with some of them. For instance...I'm having a great time whoring...ummm...I mean HANGING with you today! ;) And maybe later I can hang, whore, or whatever else he's into with salesboy!! hehehehe

MW: Nice. :D This is turning out to be a fun day. I usually hate the car sales place, but after today, I may start hanging out here more often. Oh, I wanted to ask, how did you choose your username? It's interesting...

AL: My real name is a variant of Artemis & I was born under the sign of Leo. Being a Mythology buff who loves Latin, I am “The Lioness Artemis,” or Artemis Leaena. I'm the one & only Goddess of the Pride! =P

MW: Nice. :D And I love how you've been on the prowl today... I know salesboy has noticed. He's panting over in the corner. :D So, what's your favorite ALMOST curse word?

AL: Frickin' A!!! LOL I say that all the time...much to the amusement of the teen squad that has taken up residence in my house!

MW: Oh, I love that one! :D It's so fun to say. :) Well, since salesboy is pretty much good to go, and I think it's about time for him to clock out, I just have one more question. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?

AL: “Welcome home, my child!” Of course, I'll have to do A LOT of repenting...especially after tonight...'cause you're right....I think salesboy has just clocked out, judging by how determinedly he's stalking over here! So umm...It was wonderful hanging with you today M-dub...but I'm about to be VERY busy!!! =) I have to go help this Edward find his 'car'!!! LOL

MW: Yeah, I think you got some praying to do. Though, from the looks of it, you're gonna be getting worshipped good and hard tonight. **watches as salesboy stalks his way over to Artemis Leana**

AL: Well, hello there handsome! **whispering in an aside to Mrs. White** I'll catch ya later, sweety! **back to 'Edward'** So, honey, where's your car?

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Don't forget to check out the story review for Honey, Where's Your Car? over on IndieFicPimp's site, and then leave some love for Artemis. She's kinda great...