Mean Mrs. Mustard has some Bad Blood by LadyExcalibur2010!

Every now and then the summary of a story actually intrigues me. I know, this is rare, since most summaries are actually written like crap - mine included. However, with Bad Blood by LadyExcalibur2010 I had to read it. And I did... continually, ignoring basically all other facets of my life, until I was done and I fell in love with her story and her writing style.

Bad Blood is the story of a very stringent and orderly Edward. He ate his meals in the same restaurants, had the same morning routine of waking up, hitting the gym and then preparing for work. He liked everything in his life to work like a well oiled machine. Any deviation from his standard routine really seemed to frustrate Edward. He disliked change and Bella... well she was change personified.

"May I help you?" He looked at his watch pointedly and she took the hint.

"Uh yeah, I mean, yes, I hope so." She seemed flustered. Since he was feeling the same way, he allowed himself a small twinge of satisfaction.

He quirked one eyebrow at her, urging her silently to come to the point already.

She began rummaging around in her bag, and then pulled free a piece of paper triumphantly.

"Are you the same Edward Cullen who graduated from Jacksonville University?"

He frowned. "Yes." What could this possibly be leading up to? And why? If she didn't come to the point, he'd arrive late at the dry-cleaners and that possibility annoyed him.

Another smile from her, and this one was more uncertain. Her voice, when she spoke, trembled a bit. "Are you the Edward Cullen who was once known as Edward Masen II, son of the serial killer Edward Masen, Senior?"

Bella is a bit of a free spirit. She shows up at his house and around town, refusing to take no for an answer. Bella is a writer and Edward wrongly assumes that she is harassing him because she wants to write about Edward Masen, Senior. In actuality, Bella wants to get to know him better and understand a major incident in her past - she wants to thank him, but Edward believes that she is there to ruin his life. Little does he know at first, that Bella will be his saving grace.

Edward Cullen was broken.

Oh, the façade was impeccable, and no one who thought they knew him would guess at the tortured fears which haunted him. She, however, had seen through the mask and straight into the pure heart that beat within.

Edward, who was so afraid of becoming a monster that somewhere along the way he had forgotten to live.

She had watched him for weeks before she ever worked up the courage to knock on his door. Edward Cullen was a creature of habit. At first, she'd just found it odd. Then it had become oddly endearing. Finally, in a blinding flash of intuition, she had seen it for what it was.

It was his way of keeping some imagined evil inside of him under control.

Edward Cullen was all about control; Bella Swan favored impulse.

I honestly cannot recommend reading Bad Blood enough. The story is complete (WOO HOO!) and very well written. If you are anything like me, you will probably start reading more of LadyExcalibur2010’s work. If you like historical stories I also recommend ‘From The Cup of Duty’.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO BOOTY492!! (@Booty492)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BOOTY492!!!

Birthday's come just once a year,
We hope this day you're filled with cheer.
We tried to send a birthday toy,
but heard it's illegal to kidnap The Boy.
So instead we send some pics to eye,
and hope that they will get you by.
Next year we'll plan a bit farther ahead,
and hope to have RPattz naked in your bed!

(If we manage to pull it off, we all want a turn with him. Just so we're clear... :D )

Happy Birthday!!!

Love - beegurl13, Mrs.Robward, & Whitney Love

Mari-

I adore you. Going to the brewery to pretend like we want a tour just for the free beer, listening to men sing lady gaga songs...youre amazing. Stay that way.

Kc

 I have known you quite a while,
When you talk, you make me smile.
A special friend, I will probably keep,
If you buy me, a cool jeep.

It’s your birthday, I nearly forgot,
Searched online, bought you squat.
Hope you don’t turn all bitter,
Since you’ve never been a quitter.

I nearly quit, writing this verse,
Mind is blank, it’s a curse.
Soon, your party will be here,
If I wake up, I’ll surely appear.

You've been my wife and husband. But most of all you've been my friend. You're a wonderful person and I love you dearly. Happy Birthday Mari!!

Love always Nikki aka TwiOthGirly aka Emmett aka Rose aka your friend

Mean Mrs. Mustard brings you Breaking News by WriteOnTime!

You ever listen to a song or watch a movie and say, “That would make a great fan fiction story, I wonder if it has been written, yet?” Well, that is how I came across this week’s rec, Breaking News by WriteOnTime. I watched Anchorman one night and thought of the hilarity I’d love to read if it were a fan fic, so I searched it. Let me tell you, Breaking News is nothing like Anchorman but that does not disappoint me, at all.

Summary: Two network news anchors. One desk. In a race to get the story, love might become the headline - if they don't kill each other first. AU/AH Canon Couples, smart people, particle physics, and tap dancing.

After reading the summary, well, maybe except the particle physics part because any type of physics can kiss my ass after the semester I just had to endure, I knew I had to read.

Bella is a second-string news anchor for a nightly national news program, and after the lead anchor dies, she has to step in until a replacement is found. Bella could care less about delivering the nightly news though. She just wants to be a reputable journalist that finds a great story and properly reports on it. But when Bella is given an offer she can’t refuse, to co-anchor with one of the best international, Pulitzer award winning journalist things really start to get interesting. Yeah, it’s an arrogant, underwear model like, Edward Cullen.

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Are you accidentally this irritating, or is it something that's just part of your skill set?"

He appeared to give the matter serious consideration for a moment. "A bit of both, probably. Do I irritate you?"

"Frequently," I huffed, and took another sip of my wine. It was time to put him on the defensive, because I was tired of occupying that particular corner of our interactions. "Why did you tell Peter you'd only consider taking the job if I was your co-anchor?"

"I had my reasons."

"And they are...?"

"Not important at the moment," he answered with finality. A devastating grin slowly stretched across his lips. "Will the fact that you think I look like an underwear model cause a problem in our working relationship?"

Jesus, did I need to slay that ghost in a hurry. "It wasn't necessarily a compliment, Edward. And rest assured you're not in any danger around me. Your particular brand of charm isn't my cup of tea."

He raised his eyebrows at me for a moment and then slapped his hand against the bar. "Fair enough," he said. "I'm glad to hear it, because the last thing I need is you mooning at me across the desk."

"Oh my God, you narcissist. I respect your work, but that's it. The rest of you does nothing for me." I said this as though I meant it, because I recognized that admitting I found him attractive in any way would only prolong the drama between us. Even though he was, and I did...somewhat. Certainly not enough to outweigh the fact that I also wanted to strangle him with my bare hands.

"Who does, then?"

"Excuse me?"

"Who does 'do it' for you? Come on, tell me: who puts the moon in your June?"

My jaw dropped. What kind of a bizarre and inappropriate question was that? "None of your business," I snapped.

"I know a lot of people. I'm just saying that I might be able to help you out, as a colleague. I like to see people happy. In fact, let me guess. He'd be someone brainy and relevant, but not too obvious, right? Paul Krugman, maybe? Please don't tell me you're one of those news groupies who lusts after guys like Anderson Cooper."

"I'm not having this conversation with you," I seethed, torn between intense indignation and secret horror.

"Oh, God, that was a bull's-eye, wasn't it?" Edward groaned. " You know you've got no shot there, right?"

I couldn’t stop reading this fic because it is enticing, witty, and smart. WriteOnTime does a wonderful job of making this story not just about Bella and Edward butting heads, eventually starting a romance, but a story with some depth. Breaking News has a great plot involving an institutionalized Alice and Jasper and well, a soon to be discovered story that deals with particle physics and nuclear detractors overseas. It is still a work in progress but is coming to an end. Read to find out how Bella got over Edward’s egotistical self and fell in love with him, and how they attempt at breaking Alice and Jasper out of the hospital.

Go. Read. Enjoy! Don’t forget to review!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MAITRESSESAINT!!!! (@Maitressesaint)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAITRESSESAINT!

Happy Birthday Keira!
I'm full of fail these days (you can confirm that with Nikki) but I thought you would like this little video.



I hope you have a great day!
-coldplaywhore aka Lynn

K-

I've known you for what now...almost 2 years? Wow. We've had some downs, but mostly we've had ups. And I will always consider you to be one of my closest friends here, someone I could always trust no matter what. I'm so lucky I met you. It's not just me that's lucky. It's the entire fandom. I wish you the utmost luck with your new little one on the way, and you deserve all the happiness in the world.

KC

Keira,

Best Friend. Wikipedia defines it as someone (singular) with whom one shares the strongest possible kind of friendship. That is true, but they are missing a few things. So here is a list of what a best friend is to me.

• Someone who you can call and explain why your tits suddenly hurt.
• Someone who listens to you rant about the most obscene thing seen that day.
• Someone who will laugh and cry with you about the latest Glee episode.
• The first person you think to drunk dial when you've gone in the I love you stage.
• The first person that comes to mind when you see something funny or sad throughout your day.
• The person who inspires you to be a better person.
• The person who no matter what tells you the truth. Even when it hurts.
• The person who unconditionally understands when you're just having a bad day.
• And the person who tries to make that bad day better.
• They are in your cheerleader, coach and team mate.
• A best friend is the person you can turn to when your world goes dark.
• A best friend is the person you truly love, hate and then love again.

Husbands may come and go but Best Friends are always there. Especially to kick husbands asses no questions asked.

Keira, I've known you for maybe 2 years (bad at math) but it feels like I've known you forever. No matter what our distance is, you've always been there. You've been in my corner during the good, bad and manic times. You believe in me when I don't believe in myself. You give me faith when my world seems faithless. You slap sense in me when I'm about to do something stupid.

I've never had any brothers or sisters. I don't know what it is like to have someone like that. But you have been that. You have been not only a best friend to me but a sister. Blood may be thicker than water but add enough love into that water you never know what it will become.

I love you tons. Like FUCKING TONS. You are a beautiful, crazy, smart, kind, funny, and a bigillion other things under the sun. Happy Birthday, big sis!

-TwiOthGirly

Mrs. White talks about The Journal with MsEm!

Hmmmmm...it's been quiet around here lately, huh? Oh no wait, I still have my earplugs in, sorry. Last few weeks of school are killer on me, all these kids needing money and treats and “a parent helper at the class party/field trip/carnival/child advancement conference.” Whatever. I just put my ear plugs in and drown out all the noise around me. It's lovely... You know what else is lovely? When someone writes a story that completely captures my heart. Any time that happens, I can't help but tell everyone I know all about it. That's were you come in...

The Journal by MsEm is the story of a middle aged Edward and Bella, who have been married for years and years, getting comfortable with life, and letting things pass them by. After neglecting their marriage vows and promises, Edward finds himself staring at a journal he never knew existed. Curious, he opens it, only to discover that it contains nothing he ever expected to find.

*****

A journal- his wife's journal.

He shouldn't read it, but he can't help himself.

Monday, March 7th, 2011

I started seeing a therapist 2 weeks ago. She says I'm depressed and started me on antidepressants. I can't say I'm surprised.

He is. He didn't even know she was seeing a therapist.

Today she gave me this journal to write my thoughts into, and things I want to say, but keep to myself, or just anything that happened in the day. She also requested that I write at least one happy moment I had that day in each entry.

So, here goes nothing.

Edward. Since I met him, my life has revolved around him. Then we had our son, Seth, and they both became my world. After almost 20 years of marriage, I feel like I don't even know him anymore. Or myself, but I'm hoping to fix this.

Edward has to work late- again, grading papers. He used to bring them home to grade just so he could spend time with us. When did that change?

Years ago, he answers to himself.

Happy moment: Hope. I felt it today.

He scans through more dates, more of her thoughts. Each page he reads is like one more weight added to his chest.

She questions his fidelity.

No. She doesn't question it. She knew. She knew and she doesn't care.

*****

Once faced with his wife's depression and quickly downward spiraling spirit, Edward vows to make a change and get back the relationship he's neglected. Only thing is, he and Bella have been so far apart emotionally, and for such a long time, that Edward isn't sure how to approach her. Add to that the fact that he's been having an affair, and he's faced with an explosive situation, one that if he attempts to fix, could blow up in his face and cost him the life he's known for the past 20 years.

Meanwhile Bella is struggling herself. Not only is she depressed, but she's suicidal. She's given everything of herself to her husband and son, and now there's nothing left. The fact that her son is grown and hardly needs her anymore forces her to admit that her husband doesn't need her, either. Though she's never asked him, never confronted him, she knows that he's not faithful and she feels that he most likely doesn't love her anymore. Then overnight, his attitude toward her seems to change, and she's not sure why.

*****

After several minutes of lying awake, enjoying the rarity of this feeling of fleeting happiness, she tries to move. With every wiggle, his arm tightens around her even more, keeping her closer to him. She gives up for a few minutes, but as comfortable as she feels in his arms, her body is protesting and the need to switch positions is becoming priority. When she tries to move again, her husband's sleep filled voice startles her.

"You okay?"

She turns her head to look at him behind her. He's leaned up on his elbow, looking over her, with his other arm still wrapped tightly around her waist.

"Yeah. Just a little stiff."

He nods and lays his head back down, loosening his arm around her just enough so she can move. She starts to get comfortable on her back, but he pulls her front to his chest and moves them so he's partially on his back. Both of his arms wrapped around her.

As she lays her head on his chest and wraps her arm around his torso, she takes a deep breath and lets it out contently. He hasn't held her like this in so long. She almost forgot what it felt like.

Loved. Safe. Wanted.

Just as she's about to fall back into sleep, she feels his lips on her forehead and hears a whispered "I love you", along with a squeeze of his arms.

She swallows thickly, holding back the tears that want to fall. She can't remember the last time she heard him say I love you without obligation. If she's awake before he leaves for work, she hears it. If they're ending their phone call with each other, she hears it. On her birthday, she hears it. Their anniversary, she hears it. They haven't made love in months, but even then it felt like he said it out of obligation.

But now, in this moment, she knows it isn't. She can feel it. It's in his actions, his touch, and it feels so good. She only hopes she can carry on the high of this moment for the rest of the day. Hell, she'll even take just the rest of the morning.

After she's sure she can speak without breaking down, she squeezes him back and says in a choked whisper, "I love you, too."

*****

Will Edward ever admit that he has been reading Bella's journal? Did Bella really want to kill herself? Will Edward actually end things with his mistress? And honestly, how will Bella be able to resist hot, muscley Edward after he's been working out so much?

This story is so dead on when it comes to the emotions in it. I think that's the thing that made me fall in love with it. The first two chapters were originally written for the Quickie Contest, and I remember reading them and thinking, not knowing who wrote them, “Wow, these would make such a good story if they were put together.” Low and behold, they DID go together, and the story that has emerged from them is one that should not be missed. MsEm keeps the relationship between Edward and Bella real and honest. Things don't magically fix themselves over night. Sex isn't the cure all for their problems. Edward doesn't smile and make Bella forget all the pain and loneliness she's felt over the years. This is a truthful story about two incredible and complex characters. I can see pieces of myself in both Edward and Bella, and I can totally identify with the struggles they are facing. Even though it's Edward that cheated, he's not totally at fault for the demise of the marriage. Each of them played a part, and each of them must come to terms with their role, and MsEm is doing an amazing job with that. I can't stop reading it, and I drop everything as soon as it updates. I love it...I really, honestly do. I feel like I'm looking in a mirror sometimes when I read certain scenes, and it's breathtaking, to say the least.

Okay, well now that I've got that off my chest, hurry and go read The Journal. There aren't many laughs, but there are solid writing and interesting characters. You'll love it!! As for me, I'm going to see when Neighbor Guy's next pool party is. I gotta try out this new bikini I got, and he's the perfect one to test it with. :D


Mrs. White: Hey MsEm! Thanks for coming to hang out with me today!

MsEm: Hey! No problem! Thanks for inviting me. :)

MW: Yeah, sure thing. I always love the beach, and it's a lot easier to scam on guys when I have a hot friend with me.

MsEm: Well, I'm glad to be here!

MW: Good. There are some pretty boys out today...this should be fun. So while we watch them, tell me, how did you get started in fan fic?

MsEm: I first started reading fanfic when I saw a post for a story on a facebook Twilight quiz. The story was Meteor and, unfortunately, it was never finished. I first started writing because I had this story in my head, and it wouldn't leave. Most of my friends on facebook are writers, and a few of them have been telling me I should write for a while, so I did. I started with a 500 word oneshot that I entered into the Quickie Contest—which I didn't win, but that's ok. The 500 word oneshot, then turned into a full fledged story.

MW: Nice. You know, I remember reading your Quickie Contest entries, which were great! I'm so glad you've turned them into a full story.

MsEm: Thanks! I am too. It's been a great outlet.

MW: Good. Hey, have you ever been skiing?

MsEm: Yes, both snow and water. Snowboarding's better, though.

MW: I hear there are cute boys that like to snowboard. I may have to try that some day.

MsEm: There are! Nice eye candy on the slopes, that's for sure.

MW: **hee-hee** Yum! :D So, what’s the first story you read?

MsEm: Besides Meteor, the first completed story I’ve ever read was A Rite of Passage by caracol.

MW: Ohhhh, I loved that story! It really was good.

MsEm: Yes, it was. I loved the sequel too.

MW: I skimmed that one, I need to read it for real sometime soon, 'cause it was good, too. Oh, if you could move anywhere, where would it be?

MsEm: Virginia! My sista from anotha mista lives there. I also have family there too.

MW: Nice. I know a few girls in that general direction. East Coast girls are wild...I like them VERY much. :D

MsEm: They definitely are wild. Lol

MW: Yes, wild is good. So, what’s your favorite fan fic story and why?

MsEm: Beyond Time by TKegl. I usually don’t read a lot of AU stories, but this one sucked me in. The plot was insanely genius that it kept me guessing the whole time. The author also did an amazing job researching for the story since it was mostly a period fic.

MW: You know, I hear so many good things about that story. I may have to read it one of these days. Ugh, this sun is hot, I'm thirsty. We need drinks. I got vodka, you got anything we can put it in? Apparently the lifeguards frown on you opening getting liquored up on the beach.

MsEm: Monster Khaos?

MW: That works!

MsEm: Monster Khaos and Vodka taste sooo good together. Better than Vodka and Red Bull. ;)

MsWm: I just love vodka and anything, really. :D So, how did you come up with the idea for your story?

MsEm: Mostly personal experience and Lifetime. I was watching this movie called The Greatest on The Lifetime Movie Network one day, and even though the movie isn’t based on the cheating that went on in this 20+ year marriage, I still caught on to the guilt the husband had and it inspired me to write about it. I also just wanted to write a story that people could relate to, and can feel the emotion each character is feeling.

MW: Well, deary, I think you managed that! The emotion in this story is so good, it's one of the most real stories I've read. I love that!

MsEm: Thanks!

MW: Oh hey, looks like a beach volleyball tournament is starting. You play much of that in your earlier years?

MsEm: Do Dance team and Fastpitch softball count?

MW: Well, we might be better suited for cheering on the side lines and tossing the ball back when it goes out of bounds, then. Misty May Treaner, I am not. Though I think I look a little better in my bikini than she does... But you know, whatever.

MsEm: lol You have nothing to worry about there! I think you do too.

MW: Yeah, I do have awesome boobs. I should, for as much as they cost Mr. White. :D So, who is your favorite character to write?

MsEm: My favorite character to write in my story is Edward. I feel, I can relate to him more, even though I have never cheated on my spouse. My husband is a horrible communicator, just like Bella is in my story, so it makes him easier to write for me. I know what he's feeling, and I know how frustrating it is when your spouse can never tell you what the problem is unless you ask.

MW: Yeah...spouses can be frustrating. I hate when Mr. White is late with his alimony check. I mean, I have lingerie to buy and RobPorn to print off. :) Hey you hungry? I brought cookies, what kind you like?

MsEm: Oatmeal Raisin.

MW: Oh heck yes! None of that chocolate chip stuff. :D

MsEm: I love chocolate, but Oatmeal Raisin cookies are way better.

MW: Yeah, they are. I love those tasty little raisins when you bite into the spicy oatmeal... So good... Hey, speaking of good, how did you meet and get your beta?

MsEm: I met Lynne, aka Allison Cullen, through Hope, aka Crackylu, about a year ago on the old facebook fanpage, Twilight FanFic Addicts. We’ve been friends ever since. :)

MW: Nice, they sound cool. We should start a beach beauty pageant. We would totally win. You got a talent you could do? Aside from looking smokin' hot?

MsEm: I can hear a song on the radio, and then play it on the piano, but I have no idea how to read or write notes. It's all by ear.

MW: Awesome! The guys on this beach will love it. They'll be voting for us faster than we can give them our phone numbers. So, how does it make you feel when people gush over you and your stories?

MsEm: Well, since this is my first story and my first attempt at writing, it feels pretty damn good.

MW: Good, I'm glad. :) Man, did you see that blonde guy over there? The one who looks like he should be driving fast and furious around the beach parking lot? He reminds me of someone...

MsEm: PAUL WALKER!!! He's lucky he's not Paul Walker, because if he was, he would have just been molested…by me:)

MW: Heck yes!! And I'd be helping you get him. He's a hot man, that Paul Walker. You know...the boy I crushed on growing up was named Paul... I like that name. :D

MsEm: My first real boyfriend's name was Paul, but he definitely didn't look anything like Paul Walker, unfortunately.

MW: Darn, too bad. Mine was cute...blonde, blue eyes, tall, broad shoulders, quarterback/baseball player... Yum. :D

MsEm: Mine thought he was a gangsta. Lol

MW: Gansta? Really? With a name like Paul? :D Oh well, mine's married with 6 kids now. I'm sure he's still just as cute as he ever was. So, which Twilight saga book is your favorite? And what’s your opinion on Breaking Dawn?

MsEm: My favorite would have to be the first one. My opinion on Break Dawn? I threw my book when Bella became pregnant, then threw up in my mouth a little bit when Edward chewed the baby out, and then threw it again when Jacob imprinted on Renesmee. Don’t even get me start on the name of that poor child. But, I do want to see the movie.

MW: Yeah, I know what you mean. Hey, which Disney Princess do you think most closely resembles you?

MsEm: Cinderella, because she’s blonde.

MW: Nice. She did get her handsome prince, so that's not a bad thing. Oh, while I put on some more sunblock, I wanted to ask you...If you could give one piece of advice to a new author, what would it be?

MsEm: Write the story for YOU, and not what you think your readers want. It will just stress you out and you’ll lose the plot that you had planned.

MW: So smart, you are! Reviews can sometimes not be too nice, I hear ya on that. You can’t please everyone all the time...you just can't. :D

MsEm: No you can't! I actually got a PM the other day from someone who told me that my story was crap because Edward would NEVER cheat on Bella, and how dare I make him be that kind of person. It's was laughable, that's for sure.

MW: Ugh, that's not very nice of them! I think people sometimes have issues with Edward or Bella doing anything wrong because they see them as perfect beings, especially Edward. Hello, people! It's fan fiction! :D It's WAY more fun when the characters are messed up! :D

MsEm: That and Edward would NEVER leave Bella...Oh, wait...he did. lol

MW: :D You know it!! Hey, if you could make smexy times with any character from Twilight, who would it be?

MsEm: It will always be Edward. OR Emmett... I love me some muscles. :D

MW: Oh yeah...muscles are fun. I like sensitive, too, so I wouldn't kick Jasper outta bed. And smart is hot, so Carlisle would be fun to play with... :D

MsEm: lol... I'm not a fan of sensitive, but smart and rich is always good. :)

MW: :D Yes...yes they are. :D So, what's your favorite ALMOST curse word?

MsEm: I don’t think I have an ‘almost’ curse word in my vocabulary, but if I had to pick one it’d be ‘penishead’. My five year old daughter called a boy in her school that when he told her she couldn’t be Anakin Skywalker as they played on the playground because she’s a girl. I think her calling him that was completely justified.

MW: Ohhhhh, she sounds like a little spit fire. That's so cute!! Does she love Star Wars?

MsEm: She loves it because her older brother loves it! He never lets her be Anakin at home, so when she's at school, that's who she always wants to be.

MW: Ahhh, cute girl!! Okay, rapid fire questions. This will make us look really smart to all these new guys walking by. Do you use any people from real life in your story?

MsEm: No.

MW: Do you listen to music while you write? Does music inspire your stories in any way?

MsEm: Always. I get most of the emotion I write in each chapter from listening to specific songs that get me in the mood. That’s also why each chapter is named after a song.

MW: What’s your favorite movie?

MsEm: Favorite movie of all time would have to be The Neverending Story.

MW: How did you choose your pen name/username?

MsEm: Eddie DcCullen started calling me ‘Miss Em’ one day after making him a few banners and commenting on his wall. Then, shortly after, my MOM commented too. I don’t know if you’ve ever been on Eddie’s facebook page, but a lot of X-rated comments are left on there. Luckily, her comment wasn’t X rated, but she still read the stuff that was on there. So, after that incident happened, I made an alternate facebook account immediately. My pen name on FF used to be my daughter’s name, but I changed it to MsEm so it matched my facebook name.

MW: What’s your favorite item on a relish/vegetable tray?

MsEm: Carrots.

MW: Nice!! Look how fast you answered all of those! I saw a bunch of guys looking our way, they were impressed.

MsEm: **pushes her boobs up in her bikini top**

MW: Hike those boobs up there, babe! The boys are definitely looking now! So what's your favorite part about fan fic and the fandom?

MsEm: The Friends! I love all the ladies I've met along the way. Most have become my sisters for life!

MW: Ohhhhh, that's so sweet. :) Hey, you hear that music? I think they got a karaoke contest going. You think we should enter? I'm sure they've got something good and seductive that we could sing.

MsEm: I'm not a fan of karaoke, but we can sure watch the hot drunk guys on stage!

MW: Hmmmmm, that sounds even better!! You never know what they might do if we offer them a dollar. Before we go, one more thing. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?

MsEm: Who's ass did you kiss to get in here?!

MW: :D Silly girl. :D Now grab that towel and your hat and let's go, I wanna get a good seat for the man show that's about to start.

MsEm: Hell yeah! Let's go!

MW: Yes! I brought my camera, we're getting good pictures of this performance! I think I'll scrapbook them...

MsEm: This is definitely going in my journal when I get home!

Mrs. White goes high with Hot Bitch, CEO of Seksy, Flies the Friendly Skies by LaViePastiche!

I like things fast. I like instant gratification. I like not being tied down. Wait, don’t confuse that with being tied up… I love that. You know what else I love? One shots. You know why? Because you get in, you get a little dirty, you have some fun, and you get out. Easy, quick, simple…not a lot of effort put forth and you have a ton of fun. Whenever I’m feeling a little naughty and I need a quick pick me up, I have a go to one shot that’s fun, fast, and oh so friendly.

HB, CEO of Seksy, Flies the Friendly Skies is a one shot written by the fabulous LaViePastiche. You probably know some of her other work, namely an amazing story called Son of a Preacher Man. If you’ve read her stuff, you know she’s kind of a non canon girl. She usually favors Jasper and Bella pairings, but for this one shot she mixed it up, and the result is something so hot, you shouldn’t dare miss it.

What, might you ask, does HB stand for? Well Hot Bitch, of course. And who is Hot Bitch? Carlisle Cullen, baby. And let me tell you, he earns that nickname in this story.

Bella and Rosalie are flight attendants working a cross country flight. Bella gets the easy job of first class, while Rose gets to work her no-nonsense attitude in coach. Imagine Bella’s delight when a gorgeous man boards the plane, and sits in her section. Bella’s dreams of a little Mile High Lovin’ are dashed when she spies the wedding band on his finger, but leave it to Rosalie to set her straight.

*****

Shortly after we took off, I began to get the drink and snack cart ready. Rose appeared in the galley again, smirking.

"Hot Bitch winked at me!" She practically squealed.

My heart sank a little bit and I chastised myself; of course he would go for Rosalie. I swallowed my disappointment.

"Really?" I asked, trying to sound excited.

"Yeah. He's wearing a wedding band, but shit, I think he's good to go. Typical for executive class really," she said in her typical bored, seen-and-done-it-all tone.

I added the last bottles of juice to my cart and smoothed my navy skirt. "Well, at least he's nice to look at." I said, feeling like a total dork.

"Huh," Rose snorted, "I hope to be doing a lot more than looking. Hopefully his wife is back in New York, and not in LA."

"Rose!" I chastised, hoping to discourage her from pursuing him further. Again, I scolded myself for getting jealous.

"Oh come on. Most of these guys have an understanding…He's probably got some trophy wife at home who's only idea of sex involves a Centurion AMEX and 5th Avenue," she said unapologetically.

I rolled my eyes and pushed my cart out into the aisle, behind her. I nearly growled when I saw Carlisle smile brightly at her as she passed, an almost devilish look in his eyes. Damn it, blondes do have more fun, I thought.

When I rolled the drink cart to his seat, my heart skipped a beat when he flashed me the same flirtatious smile.

"Ah my savior. Please tell me you have a nice clean scotch for me, sweetheart," he said, extending a roll of bills towards me. " Actually, a double would just make my day."

My brain and mouth couldn't seem to connect and I was screaming inwardly until I managed to squeak out, "Of course. Glenlivet?"

"Mmmm, that would be fantastic," he purred, his voice smooth like a 30 year old single malt.

I poured the drink and placed it, with a napkin and peanuts, on his tray. After I pulled the bills out, his hand grazed over mine.

"Keep the change," he said with a wink. Are you kidding me? I was pretty sure this guy was going to make me come before the end of the flight, without even touching me.

*****

As the flight continues, Carlisle makes small talk with both Bella and Rosalie, continuing to flirt the whole time. Just before reaching Los Angeles, he offers Bella a card with a little message written on the back. Apparently, Carlisle is requesting the company of our fair Bella and her hottie side kick, Rosalie. Though Bella is hesitant, Rose talks her into joining the smokin’ hot passenger in the executive lounge. Once there, Carlisle invites the girls to join him in a private lounge, and that’s where things get a little crazy.

*****
Carlisle hung my blazer on a hook behind the door. He turned back to us. "Bella, why don't you take Rosalie's jacket off for her?" Rose obliged, turning her back to me. I hesitated for a moment and then pulled her blazer off and handed it to Carlisle. Rosalie turned back to me and mouthed, "relax."

After hanging her jacket, Carlisle turned back to us. "Why don't you undress each other?" He suggested.

Rosalie took the lead and began unbuttoning my blouse. She pulled my top off and then glanced down at her own to give me a cue. My hands were shaking as I unbuttoned her top and pulled it away from her. Damn, she had great boobs. Of course she was wearing a very expensive looking lace push up bra, and of course I was wearing a pink and yellow polka dot cotton bra from Target. Ugh.

Rosalie stood up and extended her hand to help me up. I stood and she turned me around and unzipped my skirt. She gripped the waistband and shimmied the skirt down around my legs, her body moving down with it. She stood back up and I did the same for her. She wore French cut low riders that matched the bra. I wore cotton boy shorts that were thankfully pink, but still didn't match the bra.

Carlisle walked over to me and placed his hand on my back. He moved it slowly down to my waist as he looked me over. His mouth moved to my ear and he whispered, "I like your choice of undergarments…Very cute." With that he ran his tongue from my ear, along my jaw line, to my lips. He kissed me softly, but passionately.

"How old are you Bella?" He asked.

"21," I stammered.

"And you Rose?" He said to her breasts.

"25." She responded.

He nodded, apparently satisfied by our answers. He turned to Rose and said, "Give Bella a kiss."

Without hesitation Rosalie's mouth found mine. At first she just kissed my lips but soon her tongue pushed through them. Yep, this was definitely happening.

*****

Now, I can’t give away everything, since this is just a one shot, but believe me…you’ll be panting and running for a cold shower when all is said and done. Will Bella be able to go through with it, even though she’s got Edward waiting in the wings? How dirty does Rosalie really want her martini? Will Bella’s lack of fancy underwear leave Carlisle less than satisfied? And seriously, how hot is a Dom-ing Carlisle?

I’ll be totally honest when I say this is – by far – one of my favorite one shots and one of the top two lemons I’ve ever read. The way this story smolders and sizzles is unreal, and I find myself thinking very dirty and wrong things about Carlisle. I’m usually such an Edward girl, but with this…well, let me just say that I don’t blame Bella for taking advantage of this situation. Do yourself a favor and read HB, CEO of Seksy, Flies the Friendly Skies. You’ll be applying for a flight attendant job before you know it!

Now, since I’m all worked up from reading this, I need to go see if Neighbor Guy wants to play. I wonder if I have some mini bags of peanuts and pretzels that I could serve him…

Mr. Boody takes us all on The Tour by WutheringBites!

The Tour by WutheringBites is the most awful, terrible, gross story I have ever read.

.............. APRIL FOOL!!!!! (a month later)

Seriously, I have nothing bad to say about this fic. It’s just... nearly everything I ever look for in a story; fluff, a little bit of mystery, some angst, sweet sweet lemons, and a group of secondary characters that I actually care about and want to see succeed.

Bella is a tour guide, taking the wealthy elite through Europe, to places most of us only dream of seeing (though I humbly admit I’ve been to several places she writes about). On her tour is a hodge-podge of characters, some which include Jasper and his kooky Nana Maria, Jane and Aro that are as seedy as they are unquestionably disgusting, Marcus and his gold digger wife, Tanya, and of course, the Cullens, the eye of Bella’s storm, most specifically, Edward, her love and anchor, who she risks her job to be with.

"Are you sure this fondue stuff was meant for practicality? It's sort of too sexual for that," Nana said, her wrinkled lips almost blow-jobbing the chunk of bread she'd skewered.

Several people sputtered, including myself. "Um, yeah, I'm pretty sure."

"Oh. That's a shame. This could be a real tool of seduction. I bet Sacagawea would have loved fondue."

"She would have! I'm sure her inherent intelligence would have allowed her to adapt the idea for Native American use," Marcus chimed in randomly.

"Nana! Just…no." Jasper looked exasperated from across the table.

"Come on, boy, let me have a little fun." Nana pouted.

"Yeah, Jasper. She just wants fun times with bread." Alice none-too-subtly side-eyed him as she sucked on her own skewer.

"No, it's like this…" Tanya popped a skewer into her own mouth, and it disappeared.

So that was why Marcus married her. Hmm.

"Like this?" Jane questioned, trying to imitate Tanya, but gagging horribly in the process.

"Oh, come on! Does no one have skills?" Rose practically yelled, not in competition but from her insatiable need to prove herself right.

She popped cube after cube of bread onto a skewer, forming a suspiciously phallic structure before sinking it into the white fondue. It dripped as she brought it to her lips and sucked it like a popsicle.

Emmett fell of his chair, while everyone else looked shocked. For a minute.

"Wait, do you round your lips or open them wide?" Nana asked.

"No, you hollow out your cheeks, duh," Jane said, her oblivious father sipping Gewürztraminer.

"Oh, I see. How interesting." Esme sucked on her own skewer in an uncomfortably entrancing way.

She was really good at it.

"Mom!" Edward shouted.

"What? I like bread." She smiled at her drooling husband.

"Hold on, Mom, did you put it in the side of your cheek or down your throat?" Alice asked, very serious.

"Down the throat, of course. You can't get that deep with the cheek method," Esme replied.

"Oh, I see." Alice tried it.

I choked, watching all the women around the table deep-throating bread skewers.

"Well now, this is getting slightly inappropriate," Aro commented, still ignoring his own daughter's antics.

"I'll get inappropriate on you." Tanya offered.

"Don't suck my father, please," Jane asked. "That's gross."

"But I'm horny!" Tanya complained, giving Marcus the stink eye.

"Everyone's horny now. It's the cheese. It looks like semen," Nana said.

Jasper's head planted on the table, but there was mostly raucous laughter.

Nana's brows rose. "What? I dated a whole load of sailors, you know. AKA seamen. You can make a lot of jokes with that."

There was a distinct chant of kill me now coming from Jasper's direction.

"It does look like spunk!" Tanya exclaimed, excited for some gross reason.

I glanced at Edward, who was clearly mortified and involuntarily amused. "You okay?"

He shrugged. "My family is insane. They might all be sex addicts."

"And you're not?" I laughingly inquired.

He stared straight into my eyes. "Only with you."

I felt everything in the background fade away in favor of naked fantasies. Maybe there really was something to Nana's fondue theory.

And that’s only one moment of awkward of hilarity. And yet beyond that, there is the build-up of a relationship, between Edward and Bella, that happens despite going against the rules. They’re in these insanely romantic spots in the world, doing these insanely romantic things that just want to make you swoon.

I stuck my tongue out before we headed to the immense line of women waiting to be Juliet for all of thirty seconds each. He waited with me until I ducked inside the four-story stone building that acted as the Capulet house. I always thought it was hilarious and sort of great that Shakespeare's fictional locations were so often made into real tourist destinations, like this one, and Desdemona's house in Venice, and Hamlet's castle in Denmark.

It took a long while for my turn to arrive, and I found myself fidgeting with nerves as I climbed the stairs. When the light streaming in from the open balcony began to flood my face, I realized that my mood was caused by trepidation over his…Barding. It just made me gooey inside. It made me fall in love with him more, and I was afraid I would betray how deep I was before I was ready to admit it to him. I would have to get there soon as this rate.

I walked the few steps to the door, and then I was there, perched on the narrow balcony with my sticky palms resting on the railing, heart beating wildly and breathing rapid. Just like Juliet.

I didn't see him anywhere at first, but just as the sun moved overhead to flood the tiny courtyard below, I saw his shadow precede him as he sauntered towards me. He looked cocky, because he knew exactly what this was doing to me.

The crowd below spotted him, and they could all tell by his methodical pace and sexy-as-hell smirk that he was going to do something. A few women audibly sighed. Including me.

All of a sudden, he leaped up onto a stone bench directly below me and right in between two fawning girls who lounged there. His stare directed the crowd to look at me, a heaping pile of besotted woman.

I watched his lips part as if in slow motion, and he began loudly, almost shouting.

"Did my heart love till now? Forswear it, sight! For I ne'er saw true beauty till this night?"

My arm may have slipped so I scraped an elbow on the stone. Hell if I cared.

He'd already won, but I had to taunt because that's who I was. "That the best you can do? It's not even night!"

The crowd laughed and watched enraptured as we played our little game. The women behind me didn't even try to end my turn.

He started to look more smoldering, more devastating. "Love is a smoke raised with the fume of sighs, being purged, a fire sparkling in lovers' eyes, being vexed, a sea nourished with lovers' tears. What is it else? A madness most discreet, a choking gall and preserving sweet."

Be still my foolish, melty heart.

Be still my heart. *sighs* And I haven’t even gotten to the lemons, forget about it!!! I find myself wanting to reread this fic over and over, and I think you will too. It’s still a WIP, but WutheringBites makes sure we keep reading and begging for the next chapter. Viva The Tour!!!

Guy of the Week! Yvette The Maid is giving us 3 men for our buck! Chaske Spencer, Bronson Pelletier and Alex Meraz!!

For the first time since starting GOTW, I’m doing not one, not two, but THREE Twi boys; Chaske Spencer, Bronson Pelletier, and my personal favorite Alex Meraz.

While together as a “pack” they’re dynamic, individually they are talented, generous, and rumor has it, a lot of fun. Chaske, at 36 is the oldest of the bunch, followed by Alex, who’s 26 and Bronson, 25.

Sadly, I have not seen any of these hotties in anything other than Twilight, though, according to Wiki each has few gigs under his belt.

Chaske is about to start filming the film Winter in the Blood, with fellow Twilight Saga co-star Julia Jones, who plays his wife. Alex Meraz recently finished filming the sequel to the movie Never Back Down. He also has two films in production now. Bronson has been auditioning for a few films but isn't signed on for any as of yet.  

I’m hoping to spend a night with Netflix soon to (hopefully) find a couple of the movies mentioned. If you get a chance perhaps do the same? It never hurts to support the actors we have come to know and love through Stephenie Meyer’s creation.

And Wiki, gossip mongrel that I am… I *demand* more info!

In Fanfiction there isn't that much of popular leading men stories with these three in that role but I did find this one-shot staring Paul. Teasing the Tease by StupidLeeches is a sexy story about Paul and his imprint Rachel having a little fun at the monthly bonfire.

Again, sadly, that’s all she wrote.

Until next week, Darlings,

Yvette

PIC Wants to wish @wytchwmn75 and @whitneylove30 a WONDERFUL HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY WYTCHWMN75 AND WHITNEYLOVE30!

 

 

 

Burntcore

Coldplaywhore

Booty492

 

Happy Birthday, Alicia and Whitney!!!I hope you both have a fantastic day!

-Mari

Maitressesaint
A birthday is just the first day of another 365-day journey around the sun. Enjoy the trip.

Whether you're celebrating, brooding, drinking, loving, or doing nothing at all. Today is your day (to share ~winks~) and I hope it is enjoyed.

Happy Birthday, Girls!!!! My resolution on this day is to get to know each of you better, so next year, your birthday post from me can be fuckawesome and full of win.

Don't worry about that stalker... it's just me. 

KittyCullen
It's been a pleasure working on the blog with you, and I'm so glad I've had the opportunity! I hope your birthdays are amazing, and you get everything you desire!!

 
TwiOthGirly


A Birthday Workout 

Hike across green Ireland;
Bike the USA;
Backpack through New Zealand,
But don’t call it a day… 

Do yoga in lovely Paris;
Jump rope in Katmandu;
Avoid Italian pasta,
(Well, maybe taste, but don’t you chew!) 

Climb atop Mt. Everest;
Do aerobics on China’s Wall;
Lift weights on Mexican Beaches;
And honey, that’s not all… 

Shake your booty with native dances
In Fiji and Bora Bora;
Move your body and exercise
Like you’ve never done befora. 

Okay; that’s good; you’re finished;
Now you can take a break;
You’ve finally burned enough calories
To have your birthday cake!

I hope you both have a wonderful birthday! You deserve it and many more (probably rob in a birthday cake, naked. Just saying!)